Chasing or Being Chased? (Being A Nice Guy Who Really Cares)

Women are much, much better at the Game then we are (at least before we learn it).
They are naturals. Why?

While we, as boys, played football (stereotypical, isn’t it?) what did girls do? They played “moms”, “housewives”, “teachers”, they chatted and gossiped. They practiced their social skills. They quickly learned the rules of social dynamics (which for most part we know as Game). If Game would be described in one sentence, this would be it:

“Game is using women psychology on women!”

And most of them are really good at it (even those who are not are better then most men).

Here is an example that came from my friend.
He is a nice guy, really nice guy. And he thinks like one. He thinks like a man, and that is logically. Women think differently – emotionally. This doesn’t mean they are illogical, but it is emotions, not logic, that drives them. Common Game example would be buying a girl you are interested in a drink at a bar (after approaching, of course). Nice Guy’s (logical) thinking would be: “I bought her a drink, (logically) she should be grateful”. Her thinking would be: “I really don’t care about the drink that much, this guy is giving me the creeps”. One of my female friends is a really good gamer. She does a lot of Game stuff intentionally with excellent performance. She told me “The best drink can’t compare to a good story”. Stories have emotions, drinks don’t.

I derailed a bit. Here is my friend’s example (let’s call him Andy from now on):
Andy’s sister introduced him to a friend of her’s and there was instant chemistry (let’s call her Mia). They liked each other, but she started playing him and giving him shit tests. Shit test is a test where HB test a guy in order to asses his congruence and to see how much she can influence him. Nice Guys do as asked thinking (logically) that this will please a HB, but in reality they lose any attraction they had. In order to understand what is a shit test and what is not ask yourself: “Would I do this for my colleague or not very close friend?” or “Does doing this make sense?”. A bit more comprehensive rule of thumb is this: If a woman is making a request of a man and it is the sort of request that you would normally grant if one of your close male friends was making it, it is not a test and should not be treated like one. On the other hand, if a woman makes an uncivil demand of you, it may or may not be a test, but in either case, it is best treated with contempt and ignored.

More on shit tests read this and this (both female writers). (brought by Igniss).

He was, like any Nice Guy, complying with her tests. Luckily, Andy is not stupid, so he put his foot down at one point (resulted in Mia accusing him of a lot not nice things). This resulted in Mia not loosing interest in him, but she was still playing games. Andy tried sorting things up and tried to arrange a meeting (despite my advices). There were some logistical issues (they live in different cities and it is a holiday season). So the “issue” was left unsolved. Andy was at a social gathering where he noticed Mia. She noticed him, but pretended she didn’t. At one point she had to walk by Andy and he used this opportunity to say “Hi”. She pretended she didn’t hear him. (comment: he broadcasted interested, she ignored, making him chase her; nothing unusual when HB knows you are after her) While they were standing as a part of the gathering, Mia was evading eye contact. (looking disinterested, more chasing) Andy then called her by name and said hi. She responded. (because it would be awkward ignoring him further, this was not a nightclub but a social event; others know they know each other) But after that she turned her head away. (“Chase me a little bit more!”) Half an hour later, Andy walked to Mia. (“See, I knew he would come”) They started a conversation where Mia told him she doesn’t want to talk here. (I hope you are getting this by now) Andy had enough (finally), took Mia aside and started talking. She said to ignore everything she is saying because she had a drink or two. He called her on her BS (good job) and said he only wants a minute of polite behavior. He asked her if there is anything they need to discuss (referencing to all shit test hoops she was making him jump through). Mia said: “I don’t know. Do we?”. Andy told her it was his question and he is expecting an answer. She asked again “What was the question”. (unless she was hammered, and I don’t think so, she was BS-ing) Andy’s answer was brilliant: “I asked for a minute, and that minute has passed. Good bye” and he walked away. (nice) She messaged him later that she is coming to his city and she would like to meet him (but only if he behaves). (still interested, but presenting another shit test) He responded arranging logistics ignoring her comment.

Andy’s finish was brilliant, but his behavior in general was not congruent (first you are chasing, then you are not tolerating shit any more). This is why Mia is still interested in him but giving him hard time (playing with his emotions).

What he could have done better?
First recognize the facts – she is interested and she is testing you. Being interested is something that can be used to further increase attraction and make Mia stop playing games. Test should be handled like shit tests. See how big hoop is she has presented and then find a equal or bigger one for her. It is OK to jump through a hoop as long as she jumps first and as long as you stay congruent with your behavior (“Is this something I usually would not have problems doing?”). Another possible response is to ignore the test and proceed like it didn’t happen. This also sends a powerful message that you have your way and will not be played with. A mixture of both is optimal.
Second thing is to act. Use her interest to boost attraction and blaze through her shit tests. Instant attraction.

Back on the subject of why being a Nice Guy (or a my personal favorite – Being Yourself) won’t work. It is not attractive. Women *DO NOT* want someone nice, they want someone who is going to attract them, someone who they feel safe with (“If you are jumping through her hoops like a little puppy, will you be able to resist some real danger?”). Guys, give them *THAT* man.

Is it normal that women don’t want nice guys? Logically no, but this is not how Game is played.

And yes, Nice Guys always finish last.

11 thoughts on “Chasing or Being Chased? (Being A Nice Guy Who Really Cares)

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