It Is Not Over Until Fat Lady Sings (Or Is It?)

I am starting a new series called Lessons Learned. What is it about?
Recently, I was talking to a friend, who is also a student of the Red Pill, about those big “I get it now” moments. This series is going to be about them. I will write about them as they come and also will try to remember the old ones.

Recently I gamed a girl. I would put her as high 7. It was a very solid game that resulted in a bang after three seeings (dates?). Then she invited me to come to visit her while I was touring the coast. Why not, I thought to myself (this whole Game thing is starting to pay even more).
A day before I came to her, we texted. I wanted her to be in a sexual mood (I was expecting another bang). Since I decided to put her in MLTR category (she seemed good enough to keep – smart girl with good, tight body, living relatively close to my place, wants to learn new things that please me) and since we were already post bang phase, my Nice Guy me kicked in.
When you read all the materials about the Game, they usually end with the bang. They don’t talk about “what after” (except for the one book, on the last page, last paragraph). I agree with Neil. But the Game does not end after the bang because it is still not a relationship. What did I do wrong?
I was nice. I really wanted to help that girl. She is very intelligent and smart but shy. She is wasting her potential over-thinking about what others think about her and hiding inside her comfort zone bubble. I thought being nice (and romantic) with a push here and there would help her. I was so wrong.
Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed a day without gaming (it was a busy week) and spending time with a girl I liked. It was romantic day. We drank cocktails, watched sunset while entangled in each other, in the evening we went for a walk. I would stop suddenly and start dancing with her. We went to all cool places in the town looking for a place to dance. As the night was turning into morning, we started talking about all kinky stuff we are going to do to each other. Sex was a logical conclusion to the evening. She even suggested ditching last club so we can go to her place. It was on, at least logically.
We came to her place and started making out. Passionately. Suddenly, she stopped me and told she needs to go to the bathroom. I laid at the bed expecting her to jump at me when she returns. When she did, she said she was tired and wanted to go to sleep and laid to her bed. I was so confused. I started undressing her but she turned to side blocking me. Then alarms started ringing. This was “I will deny you sex” shit test. This world is so screwed. But it is how it is.
I thought to myself what are my options – I can stay or leave. I choose the latter. I dressed and said I was going for a drink. She said OK. I came two hours later, undressed and went to bed (I was travelling in the morning). When I woke, I started packing not saying a word. She asked me what it was, I just commented “There are certain things I will not tolerate”. When I finished, I went to my car, she was following me whole way trying to provoke my reaction (my body language was rock solid, unreadable). I came to the car, waved at her with a nice fake smile and drove away.
She sent me some pathetic message about it all being my fault. I ignored it.

Nice Guy died that day. Or at least the elimination process started.

A week after, I sent her a text asking her to apologize if she wants to see me again. (Back to the Game and see where this could lead. I have nothing to lose.) She did. A couple of minutes ago.
I will see where it is all going to lead, but for now, I will Game her more. That will not be nice at all.

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Chasing or Being Chased? (Being A Nice Guy Who Really Cares)

Women are much, much better at the Game then we are (at least before we learn it).
They are naturals. Why?

While we, as boys, played football (stereotypical, isn’t it?) what did girls do? They played “moms”, “housewives”, “teachers”, they chatted and gossiped. They practiced their social skills. They quickly learned the rules of social dynamics (which for most part we know as Game). If Game would be described in one sentence, this would be it:

“Game is using women psychology on women!”

And most of them are really good at it (even those who are not are better then most men).

Here is an example that came from my friend.
He is a nice guy, really nice guy. And he thinks like one. He thinks like a man, and that is logically. Women think differently – emotionally. This doesn’t mean they are illogical, but it is emotions, not logic, that drives them. Common Game example would be buying a girl you are interested in a drink at a bar (after approaching, of course). Nice Guy’s (logical) thinking would be: “I bought her a drink, (logically) she should be grateful”. Her thinking would be: “I really don’t care about the drink that much, this guy is giving me the creeps”. One of my female friends is a really good gamer. She does a lot of Game stuff intentionally with excellent performance. She told me “The best drink can’t compare to a good story”. Stories have emotions, drinks don’t.

I derailed a bit. Here is my friend’s example (let’s call him Andy from now on):
Andy’s sister introduced him to a friend of her’s and there was instant chemistry (let’s call her Mia). They liked each other, but she started playing him and giving him shit tests. Shit test is a test where HB test a guy in order to asses his congruence and to see how much she can influence him. Nice Guys do as asked thinking (logically) that this will please a HB, but in reality they lose any attraction they had. In order to understand what is a shit test and what is not ask yourself: “Would I do this for my colleague or not very close friend?” or “Does doing this make sense?”. A bit more comprehensive rule of thumb is this: If a woman is making a request of a man and it is the sort of request that you would normally grant if one of your close male friends was making it, it is not a test and should not be treated like one. On the other hand, if a woman makes an uncivil demand of you, it may or may not be a test, but in either case, it is best treated with contempt and ignored.

More on shit tests read this and this (both female writers). (brought by Igniss).

He was, like any Nice Guy, complying with her tests. Luckily, Andy is not stupid, so he put his foot down at one point (resulted in Mia accusing him of a lot not nice things). This resulted in Mia not loosing interest in him, but she was still playing games. Andy tried sorting things up and tried to arrange a meeting (despite my advices). There were some logistical issues (they live in different cities and it is a holiday season). So the “issue” was left unsolved. Andy was at a social gathering where he noticed Mia. She noticed him, but pretended she didn’t. At one point she had to walk by Andy and he used this opportunity to say “Hi”. She pretended she didn’t hear him. (comment: he broadcasted interested, she ignored, making him chase her; nothing unusual when HB knows you are after her) While they were standing as a part of the gathering, Mia was evading eye contact. (looking disinterested, more chasing) Andy then called her by name and said hi. She responded. (because it would be awkward ignoring him further, this was not a nightclub but a social event; others know they know each other) But after that she turned her head away. (“Chase me a little bit more!”) Half an hour later, Andy walked to Mia. (“See, I knew he would come”) They started a conversation where Mia told him she doesn’t want to talk here. (I hope you are getting this by now) Andy had enough (finally), took Mia aside and started talking. She said to ignore everything she is saying because she had a drink or two. He called her on her BS (good job) and said he only wants a minute of polite behavior. He asked her if there is anything they need to discuss (referencing to all shit test hoops she was making him jump through). Mia said: “I don’t know. Do we?”. Andy told her it was his question and he is expecting an answer. She asked again “What was the question”. (unless she was hammered, and I don’t think so, she was BS-ing) Andy’s answer was brilliant: “I asked for a minute, and that minute has passed. Good bye” and he walked away. (nice) She messaged him later that she is coming to his city and she would like to meet him (but only if he behaves). (still interested, but presenting another shit test) He responded arranging logistics ignoring her comment.

Andy’s finish was brilliant, but his behavior in general was not congruent (first you are chasing, then you are not tolerating shit any more). This is why Mia is still interested in him but giving him hard time (playing with his emotions).

What he could have done better?
First recognize the facts – she is interested and she is testing you. Being interested is something that can be used to further increase attraction and make Mia stop playing games. Test should be handled like shit tests. See how big hoop is she has presented and then find a equal or bigger one for her. It is OK to jump through a hoop as long as she jumps first and as long as you stay congruent with your behavior (“Is this something I usually would not have problems doing?”). Another possible response is to ignore the test and proceed like it didn’t happen. This also sends a powerful message that you have your way and will not be played with. A mixture of both is optimal.
Second thing is to act. Use her interest to boost attraction and blaze through her shit tests. Instant attraction.

Back on the subject of why being a Nice Guy (or a my personal favorite – Being Yourself) won’t work. It is not attractive. Women *DO NOT* want someone nice, they want someone who is going to attract them, someone who they feel safe with (“If you are jumping through her hoops like a little puppy, will you be able to resist some real danger?”). Guys, give them *THAT* man.

Is it normal that women don’t want nice guys? Logically no, but this is not how Game is played.

And yes, Nice Guys always finish last.

Body Language

This subject is very dear to me since it was the first thing that got me learning about social dynamics (in general).
Studying body language has been my hobby for more then two years now and it is one of the skills I started my Game with. But knowing theory and applying it to the real world situations are two different things.
There are two aspects of body language that affect your Game. First (and easier one) is your body language. Here are few simple tips that will improve your Game in a blink:
1. Stand up straight with shoulders slightly rotated to the back, puffing your chest a little bit. Don’t overdo it since you will be looking like a tryhard.
2. Don’t look at your shoes while walking or talking. Your head should be up.
3. Smile. Especially when starting conversations. Don’t keep smiling whole time since it will look fake and weird (e.g. flight attendants). Ask yourself: “Is it normal to smile now?”. If you are meeting someone new, it is. If you are asking about the problem you are facing (aka serious subject), it is not.
4. While sitting, lean back. Even when you are having conversation with people. Even if it is loud. Other people will lean in towards you thus showing interest (IOI). This is the most common mistake guys make. They are interested in a girl and they show it by leaning in. Girls, who are much better at social dynamics then guys, interpret it as needy.
5. Don’t fidget and avoid fast movements. A confident person does not need to move a lot in order to attract attention. Moving a lot also shows nervousness (or neediness).
6. Make and hold eye contact while approaching and especially while talking to people. More advanced version of this technique is to break eye contact while talking to further show your confidence (and disinterest in the other party). Try not breaking eye contact until you are calibrated enough to know when, where and with whom you can do it in order to boost attraction. When breaking eye contact, break it sideways. Never break eye contact downwards.
7. If I had to give you one general tip about body language and confidence it would be this one: Confidant people tend to use (more) space (then they really need). So, when walking, take wide steps (again, don’t look ridiculous). When standing, either stand with legs standing apart (roughly same width as your hips) or have legs crossed (while leaned against something). First stance shows “ready for action”, second one indicates comfort.
8. Don’t know what to do with your arms? Here is what *not* to: Keep them behind the back or (even worse) cross them. Default position should be having them relaxed next to your pockets with fingers slightly bend inwards (what actually happens when you relax your arm while standing up straight).
9. Don’t put your hands in your pockets.
10. When holding objects (such as a drink in a bar) and talking to someone, hold it sideways and not in front of you. You don’t want to create a barrier between you and person you are talking to (same logic applies with crossed arms).

These are general guidelines and there are exceptions to some of them.
Improving your body language can improve your looks (and attraction) tremendously.

Here is an interesting article you should read.
For more comprehensive information about body language I suggest watching David DeAngelo’s Body Language program.

Second aspect is all about reading HB’s body language. This one takes time and practice. Basically, you need to learn about body language and how to use it. Here are some general rules:

1. Observe and observe actively!
Be active observer. Notice body language changes. You don’t have to understand at first what they mean, just noticing that something is going on, is excellent (and the hardest part about reading body language).

2. Observe in context!
Crossed arms means unfriendly? Maybe. But what if it is cold? Maybe her arms are cold.

3. Learn universal tells
This one is hard to explain in a couple of sentences. Those regarding attraction are these:
Is she laughing (after you deliver a joke, also, don’t laugh to your own jokes)?
Is she regulatory playing with her hair (after you said something)?
Is she looking at your lips (regularly)?
Is she facing you directly?
Is she mirroring your body language (mimicking your movements)?
Is she touching you? (this is a big one)
One hard tell to catch is a pupil dilation (don’t bother if you don’t see it).
Note that these tells will start happening as you become more attracted to her.

4. Observe unique tells
Everyone has unique tells. Maybe she likes to keep her arms crossed?

5. Establish a baseline first
While approaching and opening, you might have triggered her resistance (bitch) shield. Also, girls (especially in night clubs) are not their real selves. Night clubs are a virtual world, says David D, and I tend to agree. Reading is easier when you establish a baseline behavior first and then notice changes.

6. Tells are usually grouped
If you are doing things wright, she will be smiling, facing towards you while playing with hair and punching you in the arm.

7. (Sudden) Change what are you looking for (when screwing up)
This will usually happen when you did something wrong. She will suddenly close (you did terribly wrong) or start closing. Attraction is very easily lost. That is why we calibrate our behavior with each new HB.

8. The tells can be learned
Remind me, what are you doing right now again?

9. It all boils down to comfort and discomfort
All body language tells can be sorted in two categories: they show comfort of discomfort. Confidant body language equals comfort, needy shows discomfort. This way it is easier to read. After you do the read, think why is she showing comfort or discomfort.

10. Be subtle while observing
I gamed girls while talking about psychology and body language, but this is a double edged sword. Sometimes they tend to freak out (anyone tried dating a psychologist?). Never tell about your knowledge early on (during attraction). It kills mystery HBs are crazy about. Whole purpose about body language is to demonstrate that “you get it” without telling her directly. You can start talking about psychology to show “how deep you are” but newer tell something like “you suddenly closed (crossed arms), because I did that and that”.

This is body language in a nutshell. If you are more interested in the subject, I highly recommend you start with What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro.
Also note that this is a tool that can be used not only while gaming, but in everyday life.

Social Status

We as a species are social creatures. As social creatures we tend to live (especially today) in large groups. As within every group, sooner or later, some kind of hierarchy occurs. At work, you have your boss who has his boss and so on. At home you (usually) have a father who is “the boss” then mother, then children (at least until they reach puberty). In social situations (or better say circles) some people are considered more cool then others. One is more cool if his/her social status is higher. Also, people have no problem accepting their social status even if it is not high (or as high as they would have wanted).
Before I start with the social status and the Game, here is one experiment I read about:
There were 50 students participating in the experiment. Each student was given a card corresponding with number 1 to 50. Students did not know what their number was. Each student taped his card to his forehead so that everybody else could see it. Students were told to pair with the highest possible number. Soon, students with higher numbers noticed high interest. Students who realized their number was lover (no great interest), started compromising and looked for not-so-high numbers. Soon, hierarchy was formed and students roughly paired with equal numbers.
If you still haven’t figured out, substitute numbers with social status and you basically have social dynamics 101 figured. Only difference is how that number is gained.

Outer Game is all about gaining social status. Note, I am not assuming your social status is low, but when entering completely new group, it is not high either (remember first day at your first work).
Inner Game is about quality (being a better person), Outer Game is presenting those qualities in order to gain social status.

When girls bang rock stars in the backstage, they are banging their social status.

How to gain social status?
There are a lot of ways you can gain or loos social status. Some are:
(Self-)confidence
Looks
Body Language
Playful attitude, cocky & funny
Not being needy and clingy
Be interesting
Be a leader
Building and releasing tension (by being unpredictable)
Don’t chase, let them chase you
Speak slowly with deep voice, use pauses

I will work all these subjects as separate topics. For now, just get the idea what is social status all about. It is the key to attracting women. As David DeAngelo said, attraction is not a choice.

How To Defuse Provocations And Insults

Short answer would be: “I’m rubber you’re glue, your words bounce off me and stick to you.”
But that’s easier said that done.
Reasoning again is not to concern yourself with everybody’s opinions.

One simple trick I am doing when someone is trying to provoke me. I picked this up from Erik von Markovik (aka Mystery). He is one of the founders of modern Game theory. So, here it is:

When someone tries to provoke you or insult you, blow it out of proportions.

Again, easier said then done. But let us consider the alternatives.
If you ignore the insult, you might be considered “weak” and your social status will decline. Ignoring the insult is OK when your social status is so high that a person insulting you will look like tryhard. (more on social status in separate topic)
Another alternative is to bounce the insult back, but that requires some degree of wit. It will come as you become more social. If not done correctly, it will look as tryhard.
Third alternative (and worst of all) it to start arguing (and become defensive). This is usually what everyone usually does and shows immaturity. Think of one of your friends who is easily insulted. How easygoing is he/she? Do you like being in his/her company? How does the situation looks like when someone tries to make a joke at his/her expense. I bet it is awkward for couple of seconds at least.

My personal favorite (in social situations) is blowing thing out of proportions. It sends the following messages: “I am not insecure by being easily insulted and I like being playful and have no trouble joking at my own expense.” It also gives me the right to make a joke at sender’s expense. Example: A:”Your nose is huge!”, M: “You should have seen it before I did the nose job. OMG, I considered a career as a blood hound. Also I got a discount for the boob job. Btw, I can recommend you to the doctor! He will give you the same discount.”

In business situations insults are very unlikely and when they occur you should have an adult approach (ignoring or telling that is not the way to do business).

While joking at one’s own expense, newer use self-deprecating humor. It is OK to spin insults to humor but to insult yourself by joking is not OK. Basically self-deprecating humor looks for audience’s pity and that is not the message you want to send (“Look at me how sad I am, hahaha”).

Consequences

You have decided to change and work on yourself.

Excellent!

But there will be consequences. People you hang out (aka friends) will see you change. They will not be used to new you (or for time being changing you). It will be strange. People tend to resist changes. So will you friends. They will tell you that you have changed and they don’t like it. You will suddenly be interested in different things. Things they have no interest of. Things you were not interested in (so much) before the change (music, clothes, psychology, partying, girls,…). Some friendships will suffer. You can try to work them out but don’t let it stop you.

That is the consequence of change.

But those closest to you will understand and will support you. That is why they are your best friends and family. Listen what they have to say. Ignore those who resist the change. Change is outside your comfort zone.

Looks

Outer Game is another gigantic subject. Topics regarding the Game will usually be split into inner or outer Game category.
Let’s start with an easy subject. Outer appearance.

Unfortunately people judge us (and we judge them) by appearances first. But that is normal since we don’t have any other information we can work with. This is why appearance matters. Not a lot, but it helps. Game is consisted of many small parts that add together.
If you are new to the Game, you are probably not a fashion designer and don’t know much about fashion. That is OK. You will learn.

First stop your mother dressing you! Or stop dressing like your mother would dress you (or (ex)wife). It is easier when someone else dresses you but you are not a kid anymore!

What can you do?

You can copy others. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Copy those whose style you like AND who are considered cool. Dress stereotypically. You want to use positive stereotypes. If you are a business man dress like one (but a cool one). If you are a rapper, and live for rap music, dress like one.
Go to the night clubs and see what are “cool guys” (those with hot girls) wearing. Copy.

I know what are you thinking: “This will cost me hundreds of $$ (or €€)”. No it will not. There are a lot of affordable shops that sell currently cool clothes. I personally don’t like online cloth shopping, but am considering it more and more. Look for great deals, you don’t have to buy everything now (for time being buy one cool outfit you can wear when going out). You don’t have to wear brands (although it will not hurt). Look at your cool friends. Ask you female friends to help you out (go shopping with them).

Clothes is one of the first things where your friends will notice the change. Don’t get provoked or discouraged. They will get used to it. I was called “hipster” or “gay” on more then one occasion, but as long I am getting my share of girls (Game slang is HB – hot babe), I don’t mind.

When you have found out what style suits you, experiment. Don’t be like 99% of other guys out there (and you probably won’t be because you copied the “cool” guys). Try with different stuff, the stuff you didn’t even dream trying a couple months ago. It will look strange (at first), but give it enough time and ask others (girls) what they think about it. You will notice their responses are not as bad as you thought. Being different sets you apart and that is one of the aspects of the Game you want. People in any social event are in one of two groups. They are either observing or being observed. You want to be in the second one. Those being observed are perceived as leaders and their social value is high (more on this topic later). People want to be in their presence. They are “interesting” people. Try thinking about one of your friends, colleagues or acquaintances who is considered interesting or cool by you and your peers. That is who I am talking bout.

But to get back on the subject of clothing, here are some fresh general rules.

Clothes is one thing where you can relatively fast achieve good results. Another is hair and beard.
Regarding beard, there is one easy tip for beginning: lose it. Just that. When you find looks that suits you, please be free to experiment. But until then, beard usually looks creepy.
Regarding hair, there is no rule, as long as it is tidy and orderly. If you have no idea, go to your regular dress salon and let your hairdresser experiment. If you still don’t know, go to one of those 50$ hairdressers and when you get the hairstyle you like, go to your regular and show her (him?) what you want.

Third part of the equation is your body. This one takes more time. “In healthy body, healthy mind”. If you are not satisfied with your looks, do something about it. Hit the gym and change your diet. I am very against diets as food reduction, I am more for start using more calories (aka the gym) and split your meals to more smaller ones (I tend to have 5 or 6 per day). This way I am never hungry but I also never overeat (it is all about self-control which is tough).
One of the biggest mistakes I made when I started changing my body was a heavy food reduction. I reduced all my meals to half (back then I had 3) and cut off all sweets (plus regular exercise). I lost 20 kg in 3 months. That was not healthy. I am having much more trouble now when I am trying to gain muscles (which are heavier then fat, FYI). I should have just split the meals and started eating healthier while exercising.
Today, I try to watch what I am eating. That doesn’t mean I will not go to MacDonalds, but will try to avoid it if possible. I also try to eat a lot of fruits, vegetables and meat, reducing fat as much as possible. With all that I go regularly to the gym. I am no gym junkie. I go alone, so I had to find a way to motivate myself. One thing that works for me is to go to the gym which has regular fitness programs (e.g. crunches). That way I have “an obligation” to show up at specific time. It gets me started, so going to the rest of gym is not that big deal since I am already there. I also use audio books to keep my mind busy while exercising (repetitive work is boring).
I am happy with the results but there is always area for improvement. This was the first summer I was happy showing my body (I was always a chubby kid). And I can’t describe you the feeling first time I wore a slim shirt. It was worth all the work (and suffering). I am also a lot healthier and have more energy. I rarely get sick. My allergies are almost gone (and as kid I basically could not breath starting in February and ending in November). If not for anything else, do it for your health.

Here is a great link that thought me a lot.