Body Language

This subject is very dear to me since it was the first thing that got me learning about social dynamics (in general).
Studying body language has been my hobby for more then two years now and it is one of the skills I started my Game with. But knowing theory and applying it to the real world situations are two different things.
There are two aspects of body language that affect your Game. First (and easier one) is your body language. Here are few simple tips that will improve your Game in a blink:
1. Stand up straight with shoulders slightly rotated to the back, puffing your chest a little bit. Don’t overdo it since you will be looking like a tryhard.
2. Don’t look at your shoes while walking or talking. Your head should be up.
3. Smile. Especially when starting conversations. Don’t keep smiling whole time since it will look fake and weird (e.g. flight attendants). Ask yourself: “Is it normal to smile now?”. If you are meeting someone new, it is. If you are asking about the problem you are facing (aka serious subject), it is not.
4. While sitting, lean back. Even when you are having conversation with people. Even if it is loud. Other people will lean in towards you thus showing interest (IOI). This is the most common mistake guys make. They are interested in a girl and they show it by leaning in. Girls, who are much better at social dynamics then guys, interpret it as needy.
5. Don’t fidget and avoid fast movements. A confident person does not need to move a lot in order to attract attention. Moving a lot also shows nervousness (or neediness).
6. Make and hold eye contact while approaching and especially while talking to people. More advanced version of this technique is to break eye contact while talking to further show your confidence (and disinterest in the other party). Try not breaking eye contact until you are calibrated enough to know when, where and with whom you can do it in order to boost attraction. When breaking eye contact, break it sideways. Never break eye contact downwards.
7. If I had to give you one general tip about body language and confidence it would be this one: Confidant people tend to use (more) space (then they really need). So, when walking, take wide steps (again, don’t look ridiculous). When standing, either stand with legs standing apart (roughly same width as your hips) or have legs crossed (while leaned against something). First stance shows “ready for action”, second one indicates comfort.
8. Don’t know what to do with your arms? Here is what *not* to: Keep them behind the back or (even worse) cross them. Default position should be having them relaxed next to your pockets with fingers slightly bend inwards (what actually happens when you relax your arm while standing up straight).
9. Don’t put your hands in your pockets.
10. When holding objects (such as a drink in a bar) and talking to someone, hold it sideways and not in front of you. You don’t want to create a barrier between you and person you are talking to (same logic applies with crossed arms).

These are general guidelines and there are exceptions to some of them.
Improving your body language can improve your looks (and attraction) tremendously.

Here is an interesting article you should read.
For more comprehensive information about body language I suggest watching David DeAngelo’s Body Language program.

Second aspect is all about reading HB’s body language. This one takes time and practice. Basically, you need to learn about body language and how to use it. Here are some general rules:

1. Observe and observe actively!
Be active observer. Notice body language changes. You don’t have to understand at first what they mean, just noticing that something is going on, is excellent (and the hardest part about reading body language).

2. Observe in context!
Crossed arms means unfriendly? Maybe. But what if it is cold? Maybe her arms are cold.

3. Learn universal tells
This one is hard to explain in a couple of sentences. Those regarding attraction are these:
Is she laughing (after you deliver a joke, also, don’t laugh to your own jokes)?
Is she regulatory playing with her hair (after you said something)?
Is she looking at your lips (regularly)?
Is she facing you directly?
Is she mirroring your body language (mimicking your movements)?
Is she touching you? (this is a big one)
One hard tell to catch is a pupil dilation (don’t bother if you don’t see it).
Note that these tells will start happening as you become more attracted to her.

4. Observe unique tells
Everyone has unique tells. Maybe she likes to keep her arms crossed?

5. Establish a baseline first
While approaching and opening, you might have triggered her resistance (bitch) shield. Also, girls (especially in night clubs) are not their real selves. Night clubs are a virtual world, says David D, and I tend to agree. Reading is easier when you establish a baseline behavior first and then notice changes.

6. Tells are usually grouped
If you are doing things wright, she will be smiling, facing towards you while playing with hair and punching you in the arm.

7. (Sudden) Change what are you looking for (when screwing up)
This will usually happen when you did something wrong. She will suddenly close (you did terribly wrong) or start closing. Attraction is very easily lost. That is why we calibrate our behavior with each new HB.

8. The tells can be learned
Remind me, what are you doing right now again?

9. It all boils down to comfort and discomfort
All body language tells can be sorted in two categories: they show comfort of discomfort. Confidant body language equals comfort, needy shows discomfort. This way it is easier to read. After you do the read, think why is she showing comfort or discomfort.

10. Be subtle while observing
I gamed girls while talking about psychology and body language, but this is a double edged sword. Sometimes they tend to freak out (anyone tried dating a psychologist?). Never tell about your knowledge early on (during attraction). It kills mystery HBs are crazy about. Whole purpose about body language is to demonstrate that “you get it” without telling her directly. You can start talking about psychology to show “how deep you are” but newer tell something like “you suddenly closed (crossed arms), because I did that and that”.

This is body language in a nutshell. If you are more interested in the subject, I highly recommend you start with What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro.
Also note that this is a tool that can be used not only while gaming, but in everyday life.

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4 thoughts on “Body Language

  1. Pingback: It is Not Over Until Fat Lady Sings (or is it?) « The Red Pill Effect

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