This is a gift from my wingman Mody.
The Night Game – a Personal Approach by Mody
Do you know how to talk to women? How do you tackle your anxiety when approaching in order to talk to women? How to be a better conversationalist in general and with girls? How to overcome your approach anxiety? These are just some of many questions we as men have tried to answer since long time ago. Some have managed to find the right answer by chance (lucky ones), some didn’t, but for the rest of us, this is a skill that can be learned (like any other). These skill, collectively, are named the Game.
Today, one can find many theories, books, gurus and guides that help men to answer these and many more questions. If you are reading this, you are interested in the subject of being more successful with women. Post you are reading right now is a collection of my experiences that I want to share so I can give you guys another tool. My goal is not to present a theory or a role model but something that might help you improve your performance with girls from my experience. If I am able to help one person to reach his full potential and improve his social experience then this document I have written has fulfilled its goal.
Who am I?
You can call me Mody, I am an African guy who lives in one of the ex-Yugoslavian countries, am in my late 20’s. I moved here almost 3 years ago and since I came here I was gaming day and night, but to be honest I am more talented in the Night Game and that’s what am going to try to help you with in document.
Night Game Atmosphere
For all of you, who go out every during weekends, hang out around bars and nightclubs, you have tendency to live by same, repeated scenario. You put your best outfit, you meet friends and then you go to a bar or club. There, you find others doing the same. Most guys are out there hunting and girls are seated in their fancy dresses, in groups drinking and having fun. Now the adventure starts. You see a guy approaching a girl and then he gets shut down by her cold dead eyes. Afterwards, the guy leaves with crushed pride and low self-esteem. A bit later, you see another guy approaching the same girl but this time you find her lighting up the room with her laughter. What happened, you ask yourself? Why did this guy succeed and the other one didn’t? Did he get lucky? I will tell you why. It is because the second guy has Game. What does this mean? It means that he had the “right” approach. So, what is the “right” approach? It is that thing that you say after “Hi“. Believe it or not until you say “Hi“ this girl has nothing against you. It’s what you say after that matters. If you said something old, used and dull then you will get shot down. But if you say something new, refreshing, funny and smart then you will get an invitation to continue talking to this girl world. You have to understand that you are out to meet girls and girls are there out to meet guys. There is no doubt about that, or else why would she put all these fancy clothes, shoes and makeup. Defiantly not just to go out, have a drink in the bar and then go home. She is here to have a good time with her friends. Of course, she also came to meet guys. Once you understand this, things will get easier. You will look at the bars and clubs as a sea of opportunities. Only thing left is to seek them out. Before that you need to prepare.
How to Prepare for a Good Night?
Look, looks and more about the look
Let’s clear one thing. I am not talking about physical look, like being cute, muscular or good looking in general. These things don’t hurt and should be improved on (hit the gym) but one thing that can be fixed in a short amount of time is your clothes. Believe it or not, while you are checking the girl, the girl is also checking you. Okay, you are not checking for same things, but when you are checking her “personality“ she is checking your shirt, your shoes, your hair, your perfume, your vibe. For better or for worse, that first impression we make, based on superficial information, has a strong impact, at least in the beginning. Your cloths reflect who you are (well, she is checking your personality). Your whole image, your presence – the vibe you are sending. That might be a rocker or businessmen. It doesn’t matter. So, if you want to give her a good vibe then you have to take care of your appearances (clothes, facial hair, cleanliness…) before you go out. Different guys go for different styles and change them when they go out. Important thing is that you find your own style, one that suits you and you feel comfortable with. First you need to find out what you like and what others like. One tip it to ask your friends (especially those guys that look stylish and now how to dress or girls). They will help you. Try with those close to you who will not hesitate to tell you about your flaws. That feedback is priceless no matter how brutal it seems. Beside that there are a lot of fashion channels and websites you can check (e.g. http://masculine-style.com/ or http://www.askmen.com/) or fashion stylists who offer consulting services. Some guys say “I have no time for this crap. I am not a girl to check out shirts or jeans. I will just put the first thing that going to pop out of the closet”. Well my response to you all is “Man you are doing us a big favor. Continue doing that“. Stay ignorant, stay dry, stay virgin. Dressing sharp will differentiate you from other guys.
Self-confidence and right mindset
Okay, I know that you heard this one many times before that women are attracted to the self-confidant guys and sometime the arrogant bastards (jerks) even. But do you know why? Because they have no problem speaking their mind. They like to be heard and sometimes they put themselves on pedestal, not the women (God complex). That’s what makes them unique. I am not saying you have to be a bad boy in order to get any girl you want. You need to find your positive and socially acceptable image and wear it and that what will bring you what you want? For example before you go out look to the mirror and say something good and true about yourself like “I am gonna be the most smartest guy in the bar” , “I am gonna be the most fashionable guy in the bar” or “I am the most successful”. These things will fly with yourself steam and going to make you feel good about yourself. That’s a spread feeling which mean the other people can feel this energy coming from you and they connect with it, they want to be around you because that gives them a good feeling.
“The man is measured by people that surround him“. basically, hanging out with successful friends make you successful. Talking about the Game, if you are going out with a group of people who are not even trying to step up their Game, they will also affect you. Always try to have a socially acceptable people (meaning those who are in a good, playful mood) around you when going to a bar or a nightclub so they can give you the right push when you need it.
Part I – The Bar Game
The entrance is very important because there will be always some girl inside who checked everyone and nothing caught her eye. She is bored so she starts to look at the door waiting for a fresh meat. Maybe one of the newcomers will be her salvation from the boredom. Always get into the bar with a high attitude like you own the place. If you are getting in with your friends try to make it like one of the action movies scenes. There is no need to jump on the floor, but enter with high energy (e.g. laugh, joke, tease each other, wrestle,…). As an exercise, try noticing how many girls (or people in general) look your way when you enter a bar. When you see these groups of girls notice if they are looking at each other while whispering something. That means you already caught their attention. It doesn’t matter if you or one of your friends did it, first impression you made is “these are interesting guys”. This is a start of building a social value. Social value, for those who haven’t heard about the concept, is a measure of certain qualities and beliefs that are shared within a specific (social) group of people. This group, in the setting we are talking about (but applies for every peer group), are the girls in bar. Let me give you an example. You have friends and in your group (it may be a band or a gaming group) there are certain individuals who are perceived as “more important” than other. They may be a better singer or player or just be the group organizer (leader). The perception you have about these individuals is their social status. In bar or night club setting, people have social value who are having fun, opened to conversation or meeting new people. People who are independent or have any kind of value for the group have higher social value. You want to have as much social value as you can and most of the tips in this article are aimed to increasing your social value. People are attracted to value (ofc).
Now you are in the bar alone or with your friends, what should you do? You can’t just stand alone or with them in a corner and keep checking everybody out. That’s just creepy and gives the wrong idea about you (wrong vibe). The best place to be at is at the bar ordering some drinks. While you are ordering you are scouting the place (with your eyes) for potential targets. Once you find potential targets you start moving around them and make one round in the bar hall (to scout the place). While you are walking, try to catch a detail of anything they might be talking about or wearing. Try to make an eye contact but don’t push for one. All you need in your first round in the bar is to introduce yourself visually if your target didn’t notice you yet. After making the round and you haven’t found anything better, start working your way to one of them. Be a gentleman but in the same time be unapologetic. If it’s a group of girls, say “Hi “ and ask one of them about an item of her clothing like her shoes or something you overheard them talking. Engage in the conversation and after some point drop the introduction line “My name is ___, btw.“ she will introduce herself and her friends. Keep a strong eye contact while you are talking with the target even if she’s talking about a boring subject or if you feel that you picked up the wrong girl in the group. That is why even if she is seems to be a wrong choice, she is going to be your entrance to the right one. Some mistakes guys do when they feel a girl who they picked isn’t interesting enough is to look away, play with a phone or try to make an eye contact with another girl in the bar or even in the same group. This is considered rude and disrespecting to the girl you picked up and she will be offended resulting in a cock blocker. Meaning, she will do everything she can to sabotage you in her set. No matter how subtle you are, girls can easily notice these things. If things are reverse, and you are talking to her and you notice she has lost interest, don’t comment and quickly move to the next girl in the group. Try to involve her in the conversation. If you are interested in her, hold a conversation and keep her mind stimulated. Once you have achieved that, you can just sit back and play with the group as you want (lead conversation – cut or open new topics, include new people in the conversation, move the group to another place…). It is easier if your target is a lone girl. She will appreciate you removing the boredom. In order to stimulate one’s mind hold a conversation with an interesting topic. You can engage one by asking questions and discussing and exchanging opinions about the subject. By doing so, you are showing what a smart, interesting and funny person you are. During the conversation, throw in a complement or two about her personality or choices she made (e.g. cloths or how you like her openness…). I also like to spice it up with teasing. When you notice she is engaged, go for the number.
Let me share a small trick I learned about asking a girl for her number. When talking the number, don’t input it yourself. Give her your phone and ask her to input it herself. It is very effective because when somebody has a mobile in their hands they want to do something with it. Also it is all about commitment. Besides, she will not have time to think of a fake number to give it to you.
Part II – The Night Club Game
As much as the entrance is important in a bar, it’s also important in the night club. While in the night club make sure your goal is to have fun and not pick up girls (same applies for bars). Girls can smell when you are “hunting” (because that is your vibe). When you enter the club, the first thing you should do is grab a drink and make a tour in the club with your friends (similar to scouting in a bar). The thing about night clubs is that people go there in order to hook up thus making them (or at least should be) an easier places to pick up girls. All what you need to do is search for a girl who will keep the eye contact with you and hold it for a while. If that happens, while you are making your tour, don’t ignore it, just keep the eye contact and walk slowly to her. Get closer and say “Hi”. Start to dance a bit. She will usually start dancing with you. If she is not the dancing type (which you will figure out after a couple of seconds), pull her back and tell her that the music isn’t good for dancing but you thought to give it a try. Initiating a conversation in the night club can be hard because of loud music. Another hindering factor is crowd. What you need to do is move her very fast and take her to a corner where you can have a small talk. You can achieve that with an excuse such as “Let’s go to grab a drink. We’ll be back soon“ or “ I want to talk to you for a while but it is really loud here so come with me for a minute“ or to grab a smoke. After you take her (your target) away from her group (set) you can go for the phone close or the kiss close because usually girls don’t want to do it in front of their friends. They don’t want to look or feel like a slut. If her friends are not letting her, say something like “I’ll be right over there and we will be back in a couple of minutes”. Befriend her friends a bit so that they get to know you and wan’t cock block you. Another tip is to not approach the set of 2 girls without a wing man. Usually, other target will not let her friend be left alone and bored. Also, the other girl if bored will grab her friend away (cock blocking). If the set has 3 or more girls then it’s not a problem because the other 2 or more girls will keep each other company while you are talking their friend. If you are a good dancer and your target is a girl on the dance floor then your mission is to show her how both of you are compatible as dancers. Dancing is always filled with sexual energy and tension thus a stimulating her subconscious mind. (morphy: girls judge your sex knowledge how good dancer you are) You begin by showing her your moves and “challenging” her to a show her’s. After a while start dancing without touching. Next, you start dancing while holding hands – beginning of kino. The kino at the dance floor is different because if girl likes you she will let you escalate very fast. While dancing, you start first by holding one hand and dance and then if she doesn’t take her hand away you go for the second hand. Then try putting her hands around your neck while your position your hands on her waist. If you don’t encounter any resistance, pull her to dance between your legs while you are getting closer to her face. If you manage to do everything without any resistance then next step is the kiss. If at any point the girl resists, you can just move away while you are dancing with her. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. After encountering any resistance, you should back off playfully and ignore her for some time. If she follows you, she is missing you. Always, after the first backing, you should try at least one more. It is better to apologize than ask permission. Being funny and making the girl laugh with short sentences or even you facial expression is really effective in the night club game (and you can’t really talk there). Doing so leaves an impression you are a smart communicator who doesn’t need to do a lot of effort to deliver a message. So don’t waist a chance to give a funny or flirty comments. Choose the right moments to talk, as when music is not as louder, strong eye contact or after the kiss. Moments like that are very important.
Night club Game can end in a many different ways for different guys. Some achieve a number or kiss close or even take the girl home. You will never know how night will end so don’t put your hopes high because no one scores all the time and no one score perfectly all the time. Some nights are going to be better than others and some are going to be even perfect. Then on other hand, some nights will be dull and slow but even if you had way many dull nights in row don’t give up. Only losers in the Game are the quitters. As long you are trying and learning you are getting better and better. Practice makes perfect. No matter how you think you suck, your subconscious is collecting these experiences, analyzing them to be used in later situations. Then, when moment comes, you will have this experience and knowledge ready to be applied.