Commitment & Comfort

If I needed to sum all my current Game to just a couple of words, teasing, commitment, comfort and kino escalation would be it. Today, I will talk about what happens after you have sparked interest and attraction.

Commitment
Commitment, in psychology, is an amount of resources we have invested towards certain goal or action. That resource can be time, money or something else that is valuable to us. A nice trick regarding commitment is the more we invest, the more we are certain it will work and as a result we get hooked.
Comment was explained in details and backed up by research in book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini. I recommend reading this book, it breaks influence to science. Here is a section from the book:

A study done by a pair of Canadian psychologists uncovered something fascinating about people at the racetrack: Just after placing a bet, they are much more confident of their horse’s chances of winning than they are immediately before laying down that bet. Of course, nothing about the horse’s chances actually shifts; it’s the same horse, on the same track, in the same field; but in the minds of those bettors, its prospects improve significantly once that ticket is purchased. Although a bit puzzling at first glance, the reason for the dramatic change has to do with a common weapon of social influence. Like the other weapons of influence, this one lies deep within us, directing our actions with quiet power. It is, quite simply, our nearly obsessive desire to be (and to appear) consistent with what we have already done. Once we have made a choice or taken a stand, we will encounter personal and interpersonal pressures to behave consistently with that commitment. Those pressures will cause us to respond in ways that justify our earlier decision.

Another example with better application to Game:


They met at a hospital where he worked as an X-ray technician and she as a nutritionist. They dated for a while, even after Tim lost his job, and eventually they moved in together. Things were never perfect for Sara: She wanted Tim to marry her and to stop his heavy drinking; Tim resisted both ideas. After an especially difficult period of conflict, Sara broke off the relationship, and Tim moved out. At the same time, an old boyfriend of Sara’s returned to town after years away and called her. They started seeing each other socially and quickly became serious enough to plan a wedding. They had gone so far as to set a date and issue invitations when Tim called. He had repented and wanted to move back in. When Sara told him her marriage plans, he begged her to change her mind; he wanted to be together with her as before. But Sara refused, saying she didn’t want to live like that again. Tim even offered to marry her, but she still said she preferred the other boyfriend. Finally, Tim volunteered to quit drinking if she would only relent. Feeling that under those conditions Tim had the edge, Sara decided to break her engagement, cancel the wedding, retract the invitations, and let Tim move back in with her.
Within a month, Tim informed Sara that he didn’t think he needed to stop his drinking after all; a month later, he had decided that they should “wait and see” before getting married. Two years have since passed; Tim and Sara continue to live together exactly as before. He still drinks, there are still no marriage plans, yet Sara is more devoted to Tim than she ever was. She says that being forced to choose taught her that Tim really is number one in her heart. So, after choosing Tim over her other boyfriend, Sara became happier with him, even though the conditions under which she had made her choice have never been fulfilled.

You could call Sara’s behavior a rationalization and it certainly is, but reasoning why it came to it is commitment.

So, now that you understand how commitment works, here is it how to apply it to Game. Start small and work your way up. Small examples would be making her do something trivial for you, like bringing you a glass of water or holding something for you. Give her a hand and see if she will recuperate. Make her invest some time talking to you and contributing to the conversation. Next, make her do something you tell her (e.g. come at specific time and place when arranging a date). Whenever you lead her and she obeys, she has committed. Next would be buying you a drink (you can buy the next round). Idea with girl buying you stuff is not to leech of her but making her commit. But I would lie if I told you gifts don’t build ego. This commitment escalation eventually leads to her investing enough in relationship that she is hooked and she starts chasing you (texting, calling…) which means more and more commitment. Unless you break this commitment buildup by making her rationalize you were yet another jerk who took advantage of her (meaning not enough comfort), she can’t break this circle. Easiest way to do this is to have a kind, gentle, romantic moments (which I truly love) mixed with firm deceive and aloof ones.

Comfort
Commitment might be broken if a girl doesn’t feel comfortable with you. Commitment means trust. In order to build comfort, she needs to learn about you. She needs to scratch behind the surface, behind the mask and see your persona. I don’t mean being serous all the time, just more than when you met her. Talk about stuff that matters. What are her goals in life right now? What does she like to do? What kind of person she is. What interests do you share? Anything else you two share? Also, she will want to know similar information about you. Ask qualification questions. Spend time with her where you both exchange information (that is why going to movies sucks). Create rapport by pacing. Don’t interrupt her with questions, let her speak. The more she speaks the better. She is investing. She is committing. She is caring. Best way to test current comfort levels is by escalating commitment like previously mentioned. Another way is by kino escalation.

Commitment is a gateway to comfort but comfort enables further commitment. Result of this intertwined dynamic is a relationship.

Experiment, gain experience and have fun.

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