The Art Of Touch

How to touch a women, or more commonly known kino is one of the milestones in any gamer’s career. Mostly what I have been talking about in this blog was how to convey value by verbal or nonverbal communication. This can get you pretty far in a relationship with a woman, but where you will get might not be where you wanted to be. Whether or not you use touch (kino) as part of seduction process, will depend if a girl will perceive you as a sexual partner or mere friend. Touching sends a clear message – I want you more than just a friendship.

This sends clear message

This sends a clear message

This was a difficult subject for me for a long time. I knew how to get girl interested. I knew how to get her comfortable and connect with her. But I didn’t know how to proceed. Touching people who were not close to me (like family) was awkward. It didn’t feel right or being myself. So, there was a paradigm. I could get girl pretty quickly to my apartment but then when I needed to proceed there was that insecurity. That was extremely incongruent moment where girl started thinking “Was this guy faking all this time?”. Of course, this was the worst case scenario. Luckily, girls here are not as hypergamous as those in the States so some mistakes are allowed. I, as nerd, needed instructions, needed a game plan. I needed something concrete I could use, what routines were when I was beginning with the Game.

I did quite extensive research on my subject. First, I looked at what information sources I had available at time. So I looked at routines featured in the Game by Neil Strauss. Afterwards, I looked at Mystery’s kino escalation guide. I found out about philosophy behind kino escalation: touch should never be a big thing. If you get her accustomed to you touching her (and she touching you), there won’t be any big moments such as first kiss. Therefore, I learned some basic palm reading, how to open with touch (tap on the shoulder, graze her when walking by), how to use “incidental” touch (taping shoulder when explaining, hugs as rewards for compliance…), friendship (compliance) test routine,… But this was all “innocent” touching used to spark attraction. I still didn’t have a full plan what to do when I get a girl back home. Then I learned about DiCarlo’s Escalation Ladder. I started field testing the method and I’ve hit jackpot. I am still using this framework today, although I have internalized it so I don’t need to follow it step by step. I occasionally use it when I get stuck or have a brain freeze. Besides this framework I suggest researching in more details on topics mentioned in the ladder depending on your knowledge and experience (e.g. french kissing, fingering, sex techniques).
One last point, learn to multitask. Each of your hands and your head (mouth) should be able to operate separately. That way, when you distract her with kissing, you can start fingering her and undressing her with hands. In time she will find herself in “it just happened” situation.

Each new notch will teach you something new, something she likes. Talk with your guy friends and exchange notes.

Have fun and experiment.

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Teasing

Teasing is one of best ways how to spark an attraction in a woman. Reason why it works is pretty simple – no one treats her like that. And that demonstrates you are not afraid to risk offending her. And risking is sexy.

Still not convinced?

Ok, there are a couple of things at work here. First is novelty (no one is treating her like that). Everything that is new is by default interesting. As we get familiar with something, it is less and less exciting. Second is risking and not giving the damn. Risking demonstrates balls, which every girl seeks in a potential mate (so that he can take care of and protect her in the future). Not giving the damn demonstrates familiarity with the subject (opposite from novelty described earlier). And every women wants a guy with experience. Thirdly, teasing makes her work for your attention. Every tease is an “obstacle”. And everything that needs to be worked for is precious. Also, tease builds and suddenly releases pressure. After a comment, which is usually negative, but before you smile, she is not certain if you are serious or not. If you are serious, you are a jerk. If not, you are fun. That insecurity builds pressure. Smile or other comment afterwards releases pressure. That emotional roller coaster is what makes panties wet. Lastly, teasing makes girls laugh. And a man who can make a girl laugh regularly, will win her hearth (and much more).

Look at her face, you can just feel panties getting wet

If you are new to the Game, this will feel very unnatural since it is opposite of nice. Nice is safe way. It is monotone. Opposite of what I have described previously (and thus unattractive). Teasing doesn’t mean being a jerk, like making jokes doesn’t mean being misleading. Both are meant to be fun because they are not part of our everyday life and therefore novel.

So, how to tease a girl? Correct mindset can be summed up in one sentence: “Treat her like your bratty little sister.” That’s it. You would tease your little sister and call upon her misdeeds and stupidity. You would make fun of her. Not because you are mean, but because that’s what brothers do. Again, this will feel unnatural in the beginning. So, how to start?

First, observe people around you who are popular. They are teasing everybody in regular basis. Observe how are others treating them reacting to their teasing. Even though what are they doing can be seen as mischievous, everybody likes them. Next, start teasing your close ones – your friends. They might react to your sudden change of character so don’t overdo it. Introduce tease gently and gradually into your style. Remember, it is never a goal to insult anyone. That is why you smile or comment in order to show you were only joking. As you practice you will be more and more proficient and able to fine tune each tease to a situation and a person. Today, I tease all the time which sometimes leads to overdoing. But it is better to overdo than to play safely. When I was learning about teasing, I wanted to see how far can I go. My goal was to get slapped by a girl without being rude or insulting. I went to a private party where I knew only one person. The girl, who was my target, I saw first time in my life. I was teasing her whole evening, not wasting an opportunity. Whatever I did, I couldn’t get slapped. I even got her friends to laugh at her expense. I noticed that girl was more and more interested in me. Since then, I called girls even a Nazi or mass murderer (stalker is my regular one), which out of context is insulting. If you are good enough, you can wrap insults in a nice shiny paper and present them as jokes. This type of teasing is usually called neg in the community.

Another way of teasing is letting girl know you know something that is interesting to her and make her work to get the information. Basically, you are dangling with a string in front of a cat and you watch her try to catch it. To be able to do this, you need to find some piece of information she will be interested in. This can be achieved either by reading her body language, closely listening or prior research. This takes experience and calibrating (fine tuning) your social skills. For example, when I show my apartment to a girl I go to every room except for one. Door to that room is in a middle of a hallway so missing it is rather hard. When I come to that door I either pause and continue to the next room or just say “And behind this door,… Never mind, it is not important.”. If she insists, I make some over the top story (“Just some skeletons in the closet” or “Tied up virgins for after dinner”) and continue. If she wants to know, she will have to work for it. And I make her.

Also, when you are in a physical relationship with a girl (e.g. kissing) you can tease her. One thing I like to do is when we are going for a kiss (you know, 90-10 ratio), when she goes for her 10% I evade her kiss. Girls get mad and want that more to kiss you. I also comment “Patience is a virtue” or something similar. Don’t do it for the first couple of kisses since that may show up as insecurity. Again, smile to defuse the situation (smirk comes handy in this situation).

When it comes to teasing, calibration is the key. You do not want to insult the girl. Insulting her will kill attraction instantly. Experiment and gain some experience. It doesn’t matter if you sometimes come out as awkward, experience is what matters. You can only get one testing in the filed. You will get this, and when you do, you will have one of the most powerful weapons of attraction at your disposal. And as a bonus, most guys don’t know it exists.

Frame Control

Last night I have spent a night with a beautiful new girl (and a new flag). After finishing making love, I tend to ask new girls “What was the moment when you decided you are going to sleep with me? What is the moment I won you over”. She answered: “I can’t really choose a moment. It is more a sum of everything. But if I had to, it would be when we were walking through doors, you opened it for me and then pushed me with your hand on the bottom of my back.” She also added: “You like to be in charge and bossy. Your messages are short and precise”. (I utilize Roosh’s policy keeping texts only for settling logistics. e.g. “Meet me at the bar at 19:00. Dress nicely.”). She continued: “You are rough, but not always.” And then she winked at me seductively.

In my transformation from a nice guy to a masculine guy, I wanted to test how far I can go with stuff I learned all over the Sphere and Internet. That usually meant doing things nice guy in me felt were wrong. But, just for sake of experimenting I kept going and pushing (since obviously nice guy mentality didn’t work). From time to time I relapsed into the nice guy (usually especially when I slept with the girl, I wanted to help her somehow). As time passed by I kept relapsing less and less and with this last girl I can happily say I don’t consider her anything more than current entertainment. Some would call it a start of misogyny. Maybe they are right. But she is having as much fun as I am. “Return them better than you found them” is a self fulfilling prophecy since they enjoy me at least as much as I enjoy them (and they get to learn a thing or two). But I am getting of the subject.

The ting I did different with this girl is not to bother myself with what is she thinking or feeling. I kept doing things that a masculine, decisive guy would. And always escalate (verbally and physically). Treat her like a black box. Don’t listen what she is saying, observe her actions. I got challenged, but I stayed congruent with the image I was presenting. That is the frame control. If you falter for a second and fail incongruently some of her shit tests, you fail. Your lose any attraction you have built and it is game over. This should not discourage you to experiment.
It is hard for a reforming nice guy, and many relapse. They set masculine frame by threatening to leave when girl has much invested (LTR), but never do. And she knows it. And when there is a threat of leaving, she flashes wit her pussy a bit and he returns. Women knows her pussy is her greatest weapon. And she will use it if she knows it works. Because you have showed her!

Let’s get to the specifics. Always be a leader and in charge. Make all arrangements and decisions. It is OK to ask her opinion, but stick to only giving her options. Don’t make her make decisions.
Ask her to oblige to your standards. She is a part of your image when she is with you. Any resistance needs to be dealt with decisively. And she will resist (thus testing you). Punish her when she is not obliging by removing your attention from her, not commenting on something she worked hard and plainly ignoring her. Tease her. It is freakishly accurate how this resembles to training a dog.
Make her commit. Small commitments (coming to a meeting place you have chosen) at first and keep going from them (kino escalation, time investment, gifts, make out, hickeys, sex).
Always be the one to stop the interaction. Interaction can be texting, conversation, date, making out or sex. This shows you are in control.
Ask for what you want to do or think belongs to you. This also starts small (“I would fancy a walk before going to the bar”) and escalates (“I want another round with you”).
Handle LMR gracefully. Don’t show you are annoyed sexually depraved AFC you probably are. This is the basics of all techniques handling LMR. Even after sex, keep your frame. She didn’t give you anything, you weren’t lucky, you don’t have to grateful. You conquered her and you took it. And she loved it. When escalating towards sex, lead her, hold her and move her. Show your strength and masculinity. Learn about how to be a good kisser and lover. There is a ton of stuff on the Internet.

Improve yourself from inside out and everything else will fall into place.

Game Morality

If being a nice guy is wrong, that means I have to be a bad boy or jerk in order to be good at Game. Right?
Wrong.
Being nice and being jerk are two opposites. Hitting the golden middle is the key. What does that mean? It means not to tolerate any shit you would not otherwise tolerate. It is the same formula as when dealing with shit tests. When having a moral dilemma, ask yourself: “Is this something I would normally do/put up with if this was a guy who is someone I particularly don’t care about?”. If yes, then proceed, if no, don’t do it. It is as simple as that. Do not tolerate a woman just because she is a woman (and has a pussy). Don’t be nice just because you have to, it is expected from you or you were raised to be like that.

But all those routines, techniques and materials look manipulative. I just want to be myself.
Let me ask you a counter question. How often are you “being yourself” when with a women? Do you buy every stranger you meet at the nightclub a drink? Or you buy drinks to girls because you want to them to like you? Are you speaking what is on your mind or are you saying what you think she will like? Are you doing stuff you like or stuff you think she likes? Please, tell me how this is not manipulative or “just being yourself”?
It is not.

Being a guy who knows what he wants and is not afraid to get what he wants is the basic idea of the Game.
All those materials and routines are there to help a guy to get there. Game is knowledge and like any knowledge it is morally neutral. How you use this knowledge, is up to you.
But, let’s say, for sake of an argument, you are using your knowledge to get women to sleep with you. Is this wrong? Are they really hating being with a guy who “knows the stuff”? Again, let’s say that this is wrong and manipulative (which I don’t think is). There are only two things you can do. You can either watch and hold a moral stand or join the ride. I agree that nice guy should be “the right way”, but it is not. Time when women were courted and impressed by men has passed. Today, things are as they are. Jerks are getting all the cool girls, while nice guys are finishing last (if ever). These are the new rules of the Game.

Thirdly, girls are using same Game on us when they are checking us out. They use shit tests, wait last second to text us, flaking, playing hard to get (even she likes you)… Social conditioning at it’s finest. When I am asked what is Game all about, it is using women psychology on women.

Lastly, if you are still having moral dilemmas, here is what you can do. When you leave a girl, leave her in a better state then you have found her. As simple as that. Only try not to get overboard and to an extreme known as a nice guy.

On a personal note, I have been struggling with these questions for a while when I was starting. I believed Game was wrong, a necessary evil. That I was not being myself. But let me tell you. Today, I like my “new”, changed self. It has a better hold of it’s life. My life has been richer than ever before. You might be thinking that I am making myself believe, but my friends are seeing improvements in my life. All is not nice and pretty, though. There were consequences.

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What is your opinion on Game morality? Share your story.

Being A Leader

Being a leader is more of an inner state that manifests outwardly.

Leadership is all about making decisions for others.

Take responsibilities for others and you will lead them.

Being a good leader is hard because you have to make risks by making decisions. You will make mistakes, but that doesn’t matter as long as you learn something from them. It is important to make a decision.

You don’t have to be a CEO or president to be a leader. Lead your peer group (you have friends – suggest some activities you can do together, organize those activities) and practice that way.

Lead men and women will follow. And they expect to follow your lead. Everywhere and every time. Especially during dates.
This leadership can be subtle (e.g. leading her by holding hands, or pushing her while opening the door) or direct (e.g. “We are going to that place”). This doesn’t mean you don’t listen to her or be a jerk. Make the decision and ask her feedback is perfectly normal.

Compare these two scenarios:

1.
He: Hi, are you up for a dinner tonight?
Her: Sure
He: Good, what would you like to eat?
Her: I don’t know
He: I don’t know either.
Her: I feel eating Italian tonight
He: Excellent, me to.
Her: Even better Chinese (note, this is a shit test)
He: Me to. Do you know a good restaurant?
Her: Yeah, let’s go ___
He: Super, when would you like to meet?
Her: 8PM
He: Great, should I pick you up or will we meet there?
Her: … (she should be rolling her eyes and regretting the whole thing by now)

2.
He: Hi, let’s go and eat something tonight. (note statement, not question)
Her: Sure
He: Good, I am up for Italian but Chinese could pass. (you can give her a choice, nothing wrong with that)
Her: I would like Chinese.
He: I will pick you up at 8PM. Be ready (I would add, “and dress nice”)
Her: I will.

First scenario was lead by her, second by him. This is the type leadership that girls are expecting.
Women are expecting men to lead. They *do not* want to be put into a leadership position. And if a guy is not leading, she is the only one left to.

What is your opinion? Write them in the comments.

Dealing With Rejection

Real life was an attention whore last couple of months. Now, everything is better and let’s continue. Today’s topic is a real life changer. How to deal with rejections. Context here is the Game and approaching but you can (as I have) apply it to your life in general.

One of the first fears you are going to deal with, besides approach anxiety (AA), is fear of rejection.
This fear manifest on two major occasions during your pickup.
First, together with AA, you rationalize that “she has a boyfriend”, ” she wouldn’t be interested in you”, ” you don’t want to bother her”… These are all manifestations of fear of rejection. And if you are rejected, you must be a failure. It is easier not to approach then get rejected. Right?

Wrong!

Ok, so you have managed to get past AA and you have started talking to her. Now you are trying your best to please her (e.g. “May I buy you a drink?”, “Where do you want to go?”, “I have bought you some flowers.”). Because then she is going to like you. If she doesn’t, she will reject you. And you don’t want that. Right?

Try to guess this one?

These are all bad advices and scenarios that most “no game” guys operate by. Goal is to get rid you of fear of rejection. Rejection is normal. No matter how good your game is, you are going to get rejected. And it is not your fault. You might not be something she is looking for. You might be a BMW, but she is looking for an Audi. You can’t please everyone in the world. And you don’t have to and shouldn’t. Do not let random strangers dictate who you are or be a measure of your success.

Secondly, girls are lot better at reading nonverbal and verbal signs. Men are usually…deaf. This results in a ton of rejections on her part. She wasn’t complemented on her cooking -> rejected. He didn’t turn to check her out -> rejected. “Do I look fat in this?”, need more? Women are constantly rejected and we don’t even know it. So don’t feel bad if you get rejected from time to time. It is normal. Life is not a kindergarten where everyone tries not to hurt your feelings.

The Game is ultimately a numbers game. Rejection is a normal part of the process.
In time you will not care. You will know what you are looking for. There are a plenty fish in the sea. As you get even better you will be able to screen for (cold read) your type of women and rejections will decrease even more. But for time being, practice and you will get accustom to it.