Commitment & Comfort

If I needed to sum all my current Game to just a couple of words, teasing, commitment, comfort and kino escalation would be it. Today, I will talk about what happens after you have sparked interest and attraction.

Commitment
Commitment, in psychology, is an amount of resources we have invested towards certain goal or action. That resource can be time, money or something else that is valuable to us. A nice trick regarding commitment is the more we invest, the more we are certain it will work and as a result we get hooked.
Comment was explained in details and backed up by research in book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini. I recommend reading this book, it breaks influence to science. Here is a section from the book:

A study done by a pair of Canadian psychologists uncovered something fascinating about people at the racetrack: Just after placing a bet, they are much more confident of their horse’s chances of winning than they are immediately before laying down that bet. Of course, nothing about the horse’s chances actually shifts; it’s the same horse, on the same track, in the same field; but in the minds of those bettors, its prospects improve significantly once that ticket is purchased. Although a bit puzzling at first glance, the reason for the dramatic change has to do with a common weapon of social influence. Like the other weapons of influence, this one lies deep within us, directing our actions with quiet power. It is, quite simply, our nearly obsessive desire to be (and to appear) consistent with what we have already done. Once we have made a choice or taken a stand, we will encounter personal and interpersonal pressures to behave consistently with that commitment. Those pressures will cause us to respond in ways that justify our earlier decision.

Another example with better application to Game:


They met at a hospital where he worked as an X-ray technician and she as a nutritionist. They dated for a while, even after Tim lost his job, and eventually they moved in together. Things were never perfect for Sara: She wanted Tim to marry her and to stop his heavy drinking; Tim resisted both ideas. After an especially difficult period of conflict, Sara broke off the relationship, and Tim moved out. At the same time, an old boyfriend of Sara’s returned to town after years away and called her. They started seeing each other socially and quickly became serious enough to plan a wedding. They had gone so far as to set a date and issue invitations when Tim called. He had repented and wanted to move back in. When Sara told him her marriage plans, he begged her to change her mind; he wanted to be together with her as before. But Sara refused, saying she didn’t want to live like that again. Tim even offered to marry her, but she still said she preferred the other boyfriend. Finally, Tim volunteered to quit drinking if she would only relent. Feeling that under those conditions Tim had the edge, Sara decided to break her engagement, cancel the wedding, retract the invitations, and let Tim move back in with her.
Within a month, Tim informed Sara that he didn’t think he needed to stop his drinking after all; a month later, he had decided that they should “wait and see” before getting married. Two years have since passed; Tim and Sara continue to live together exactly as before. He still drinks, there are still no marriage plans, yet Sara is more devoted to Tim than she ever was. She says that being forced to choose taught her that Tim really is number one in her heart. So, after choosing Tim over her other boyfriend, Sara became happier with him, even though the conditions under which she had made her choice have never been fulfilled.

You could call Sara’s behavior a rationalization and it certainly is, but reasoning why it came to it is commitment.

So, now that you understand how commitment works, here is it how to apply it to Game. Start small and work your way up. Small examples would be making her do something trivial for you, like bringing you a glass of water or holding something for you. Give her a hand and see if she will recuperate. Make her invest some time talking to you and contributing to the conversation. Next, make her do something you tell her (e.g. come at specific time and place when arranging a date). Whenever you lead her and she obeys, she has committed. Next would be buying you a drink (you can buy the next round). Idea with girl buying you stuff is not to leech of her but making her commit. But I would lie if I told you gifts don’t build ego. This commitment escalation eventually leads to her investing enough in relationship that she is hooked and she starts chasing you (texting, calling…) which means more and more commitment. Unless you break this commitment buildup by making her rationalize you were yet another jerk who took advantage of her (meaning not enough comfort), she can’t break this circle. Easiest way to do this is to have a kind, gentle, romantic moments (which I truly love) mixed with firm deceive and aloof ones.

Comfort
Commitment might be broken if a girl doesn’t feel comfortable with you. Commitment means trust. In order to build comfort, she needs to learn about you. She needs to scratch behind the surface, behind the mask and see your persona. I don’t mean being serous all the time, just more than when you met her. Talk about stuff that matters. What are her goals in life right now? What does she like to do? What kind of person she is. What interests do you share? Anything else you two share? Also, she will want to know similar information about you. Ask qualification questions. Spend time with her where you both exchange information (that is why going to movies sucks). Create rapport by pacing. Don’t interrupt her with questions, let her speak. The more she speaks the better. She is investing. She is committing. She is caring. Best way to test current comfort levels is by escalating commitment like previously mentioned. Another way is by kino escalation.

Commitment is a gateway to comfort but comfort enables further commitment. Result of this intertwined dynamic is a relationship.

Experiment, gain experience and have fun.

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Rationalization

Men are logical creatures, women are emotional. This is a number one lesson any man needs to learn and understand. Consequences of such emotional approach to life is women’s tendency to judge something to be right or wrong depending how she feels at that moment. And this judgement is not set in stone. Such (“normal”) emotional swings confuse guys as we try to logically understand the situation. Well, this usually doesn’t work. She accuses you how “you don’t understand her”, and you are left confused and would like to have mind reading abilities. What does a nice guy do? He tries correct the situation. He either asks more about it (in order to logically understand), noticeably flustered, or takes the blame and starts apologizing and begging. This, irritates the girl even more.

So, what to do?
First, analyze the situation and conclude is this a shit test or not. If it is a shit test, ignore it or call her on it like you would a brandish little sister (“Stop behaving like a little brad. Pick yourself up and let’s go.”).
If it is not a shit test but something that she, logically, has reasons to be upset about and if you messed up, apologize. Don’t beg, just say you mad a mistake. Don’t lose your frame. If is something else, provide her comfort and be there for her (e.g. hold her tightly in your arms).

Usually when dealing with women, don’t listen what they say, watch how they react. Use black box approach. Women will often say things like “I like nice guys who are always taking care of me” but will then get irritated by his suffocating attention or jealousy. Girls like bad boys even though no one will admit it.

Another consequence of such emotional approach is that she will always find excuses for any mistakes she (logically) made that felt good at the time. This is called rationalization. A metaphor for this phenomenon is a hamster spinning in a wheel since she believes in excuses she has made to be true. And she keeps telling them and living with (in) them without realizing the truth and that she is not getting anywhere (metaphor for the wheel).
Some examples would be:
“I don’t usually do that!” Something you can hear after a girl sleeps with you rather quickly in order not to feel like a slut.
“I am not fat, there is just more me to love.” Khm…
“There are no more nice guys.” A commonly used by women who are about to hit the wall (meaning stop being attractive, usually happening around late twenties or early thirties). She enjoyed her youth and all attention that came with it. She has lost her youth and suddenly no one cares about her. It must be those jerks.

Listen to the hamster!

Listen to the hamster!

There is an article that goes extensively how to handle emotional swings. Stay calm and don’t give up to her storm. She will appreciate you more for not getting drawn into her emotions. You will be the man she loves.

Women should always try to be more feminine in order to keep her man. To do so I recommend the following:

  • Read The Rules Revisted and be prepared to learn from it rather than salve your ego by rejecting it. If you disagree with any post there it means you are wrong.
  • Change your diet away from man foods. Get more fresh vegetables, fruit, water, white meats.
  • Stop drinking alcohol. Really, try to entirely cut alcohol out of your life. If you must drink, avoid beers and lagers at all costs. More then anything else, alcohol and cigarettes ruin a girl’s hormone balance.
  • Don’t lift weights, circuit train or jog. Which girls have the most sexy feminine bodies? Yes, dancers, aerobics instructors and pilates girls. Joggers always look like shit.
  • Take pleasure in learning to cook and other girly hobbies. Make a real skill out of it. It’s so easy to set yourself apart from, and above, the crowd of girls with androgynous or masculine hobbies.

It Is Not Over Until Fat Lady Sings (Or Is It?)

I am starting a new series called Lessons Learned. What is it about?
Recently, I was talking to a friend, who is also a student of the Red Pill, about those big “I get it now” moments. This series is going to be about them. I will write about them as they come and also will try to remember the old ones.

Recently I gamed a girl. I would put her as high 7. It was a very solid game that resulted in a bang after three seeings (dates?). Then she invited me to come to visit her while I was touring the coast. Why not, I thought to myself (this whole Game thing is starting to pay even more).
A day before I came to her, we texted. I wanted her to be in a sexual mood (I was expecting another bang). Since I decided to put her in MLTR category (she seemed good enough to keep – smart girl with good, tight body, living relatively close to my place, wants to learn new things that please me) and since we were already post bang phase, my Nice Guy me kicked in.
When you read all the materials about the Game, they usually end with the bang. They don’t talk about “what after” (except for the one book, on the last page, last paragraph). I agree with Neil. But the Game does not end after the bang because it is still not a relationship. What did I do wrong?
I was nice. I really wanted to help that girl. She is very intelligent and smart but shy. She is wasting her potential over-thinking about what others think about her and hiding inside her comfort zone bubble. I thought being nice (and romantic) with a push here and there would help her. I was so wrong.
Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed a day without gaming (it was a busy week) and spending time with a girl I liked. It was romantic day. We drank cocktails, watched sunset while entangled in each other, in the evening we went for a walk. I would stop suddenly and start dancing with her. We went to all cool places in the town looking for a place to dance. As the night was turning into morning, we started talking about all kinky stuff we are going to do to each other. Sex was a logical conclusion to the evening. She even suggested ditching last club so we can go to her place. It was on, at least logically.
We came to her place and started making out. Passionately. Suddenly, she stopped me and told she needs to go to the bathroom. I laid at the bed expecting her to jump at me when she returns. When she did, she said she was tired and wanted to go to sleep and laid to her bed. I was so confused. I started undressing her but she turned to side blocking me. Then alarms started ringing. This was “I will deny you sex” shit test. This world is so screwed. But it is how it is.
I thought to myself what are my options – I can stay or leave. I choose the latter. I dressed and said I was going for a drink. She said OK. I came two hours later, undressed and went to bed (I was travelling in the morning). When I woke, I started packing not saying a word. She asked me what it was, I just commented “There are certain things I will not tolerate”. When I finished, I went to my car, she was following me whole way trying to provoke my reaction (my body language was rock solid, unreadable). I came to the car, waved at her with a nice fake smile and drove away.
She sent me some pathetic message about it all being my fault. I ignored it.

Nice Guy died that day. Or at least the elimination process started.

A week after, I sent her a text asking her to apologize if she wants to see me again. (Back to the Game and see where this could lead. I have nothing to lose.) She did. A couple of minutes ago.
I will see where it is all going to lead, but for now, I will Game her more. That will not be nice at all.