The Art Of Touch

How to touch a women, or more commonly known kino is one of the milestones in any gamer’s career. Mostly what I have been talking about in this blog was how to convey value by verbal or nonverbal communication. This can get you pretty far in a relationship with a woman, but where you will get might not be where you wanted to be. Whether or not you use touch (kino) as part of seduction process, will depend if a girl will perceive you as a sexual partner or mere friend. Touching sends a clear message – I want you more than just a friendship.

This sends clear message

This sends a clear message

This was a difficult subject for me for a long time. I knew how to get girl interested. I knew how to get her comfortable and connect with her. But I didn’t know how to proceed. Touching people who were not close to me (like family) was awkward. It didn’t feel right or being myself. So, there was a paradigm. I could get girl pretty quickly to my apartment but then when I needed to proceed there was that insecurity. That was extremely incongruent moment where girl started thinking “Was this guy faking all this time?”. Of course, this was the worst case scenario. Luckily, girls here are not as hypergamous as those in the States so some mistakes are allowed. I, as nerd, needed instructions, needed a game plan. I needed something concrete I could use, what routines were when I was beginning with the Game.

I did quite extensive research on my subject. First, I looked at what information sources I had available at time. So I looked at routines featured in the Game by Neil Strauss. Afterwards, I looked at Mystery’s kino escalation guide. I found out about philosophy behind kino escalation: touch should never be a big thing. If you get her accustomed to you touching her (and she touching you), there won’t be any big moments such as first kiss. Therefore, I learned some basic palm reading, how to open with touch (tap on the shoulder, graze her when walking by), how to use “incidental” touch (taping shoulder when explaining, hugs as rewards for compliance…), friendship (compliance) test routine,… But this was all “innocent” touching used to spark attraction. I still didn’t have a full plan what to do when I get a girl back home. Then I learned about DiCarlo’s Escalation Ladder. I started field testing the method and I’ve hit jackpot. I am still using this framework today, although I have internalized it so I don’t need to follow it step by step. I occasionally use it when I get stuck or have a brain freeze. Besides this framework I suggest researching in more details on topics mentioned in the ladder depending on your knowledge and experience (e.g. french kissing, fingering, sex techniques).
One last point, learn to multitask. Each of your hands and your head (mouth) should be able to operate separately. That way, when you distract her with kissing, you can start fingering her and undressing her with hands. In time she will find herself in “it just happened” situation.

Each new notch will teach you something new, something she likes. Talk with your guy friends and exchange notes.

Have fun and experiment.

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Dancing Game

Here in Croatia we don’t have bars as a nightlife alternative to clubs. There is no place where you can go, meet strangers and talk to them when going out. Bars are more like coffee places where people sit and chat before going out. And in clubs usually you can’t talk to people because music is just too loud. If you want to succeed regularly in an environment such as this, best way to do it is by dance. Don’t get me wrong, I have succeeded in a Night Game by talking, but talk is much more efficient at social gatherings without loud music, more common to Day Game scenario.

Why dancing? Dancing brings an immediate sexual vibe. I’ve had girls tell me that they judge a man’s sexual ability by how good dancer he is. Dance brings an immediate kino. Things escalate much faster when dancing because dance puts man immediately in a leadership position. He is in control, dictating the pace. Dance also acts as immediate isolation, since you two are dancing together. If that is not the case, dance can help you lead her to another part of the club. There you can continue the conversation (“Let’s grab something to drink?”) and continue escalation. And girls love to dance. To sum it, dance provides an instant framework for male-female dynamic and relationship. And she is programmed to respond to it.

Salsa

In order to get better, you need to learn some partner dance like salsa. Trust me, what you call dancing today by swinging and waving hands (drunkenly) is not dancing. I suggest signing up for a course. After a month or two you should have all basics covered. Remember, you are not training to be the best pro. You only need to be better than most other guys else in the club, and that shouldn’t be too difficult. Additional benefit from courses is that female to male ratio is greatly in favor to men and you can meet new girls there (who are expecting to be interacted with).

Once you have covered basic dancing, Night Game should be much easier.

A great guide how to improve your dancing game and some techniques can be found here.
Also, ignore other guys who will make fun of you going to dance class. You know why you are going.

Teasing

Teasing is one of best ways how to spark an attraction in a woman. Reason why it works is pretty simple – no one treats her like that. And that demonstrates you are not afraid to risk offending her. And risking is sexy.

Still not convinced?

Ok, there are a couple of things at work here. First is novelty (no one is treating her like that). Everything that is new is by default interesting. As we get familiar with something, it is less and less exciting. Second is risking and not giving the damn. Risking demonstrates balls, which every girl seeks in a potential mate (so that he can take care of and protect her in the future). Not giving the damn demonstrates familiarity with the subject (opposite from novelty described earlier). And every women wants a guy with experience. Thirdly, teasing makes her work for your attention. Every tease is an “obstacle”. And everything that needs to be worked for is precious. Also, tease builds and suddenly releases pressure. After a comment, which is usually negative, but before you smile, she is not certain if you are serious or not. If you are serious, you are a jerk. If not, you are fun. That insecurity builds pressure. Smile or other comment afterwards releases pressure. That emotional roller coaster is what makes panties wet. Lastly, teasing makes girls laugh. And a man who can make a girl laugh regularly, will win her hearth (and much more).

Look at her face, you can just feel panties getting wet

If you are new to the Game, this will feel very unnatural since it is opposite of nice. Nice is safe way. It is monotone. Opposite of what I have described previously (and thus unattractive). Teasing doesn’t mean being a jerk, like making jokes doesn’t mean being misleading. Both are meant to be fun because they are not part of our everyday life and therefore novel.

So, how to tease a girl? Correct mindset can be summed up in one sentence: “Treat her like your bratty little sister.” That’s it. You would tease your little sister and call upon her misdeeds and stupidity. You would make fun of her. Not because you are mean, but because that’s what brothers do. Again, this will feel unnatural in the beginning. So, how to start?

First, observe people around you who are popular. They are teasing everybody in regular basis. Observe how are others treating them reacting to their teasing. Even though what are they doing can be seen as mischievous, everybody likes them. Next, start teasing your close ones – your friends. They might react to your sudden change of character so don’t overdo it. Introduce tease gently and gradually into your style. Remember, it is never a goal to insult anyone. That is why you smile or comment in order to show you were only joking. As you practice you will be more and more proficient and able to fine tune each tease to a situation and a person. Today, I tease all the time which sometimes leads to overdoing. But it is better to overdo than to play safely. When I was learning about teasing, I wanted to see how far can I go. My goal was to get slapped by a girl without being rude or insulting. I went to a private party where I knew only one person. The girl, who was my target, I saw first time in my life. I was teasing her whole evening, not wasting an opportunity. Whatever I did, I couldn’t get slapped. I even got her friends to laugh at her expense. I noticed that girl was more and more interested in me. Since then, I called girls even a Nazi or mass murderer (stalker is my regular one), which out of context is insulting. If you are good enough, you can wrap insults in a nice shiny paper and present them as jokes. This type of teasing is usually called neg in the community.

Another way of teasing is letting girl know you know something that is interesting to her and make her work to get the information. Basically, you are dangling with a string in front of a cat and you watch her try to catch it. To be able to do this, you need to find some piece of information she will be interested in. This can be achieved either by reading her body language, closely listening or prior research. This takes experience and calibrating (fine tuning) your social skills. For example, when I show my apartment to a girl I go to every room except for one. Door to that room is in a middle of a hallway so missing it is rather hard. When I come to that door I either pause and continue to the next room or just say “And behind this door,… Never mind, it is not important.”. If she insists, I make some over the top story (“Just some skeletons in the closet” or “Tied up virgins for after dinner”) and continue. If she wants to know, she will have to work for it. And I make her.

Also, when you are in a physical relationship with a girl (e.g. kissing) you can tease her. One thing I like to do is when we are going for a kiss (you know, 90-10 ratio), when she goes for her 10% I evade her kiss. Girls get mad and want that more to kiss you. I also comment “Patience is a virtue” or something similar. Don’t do it for the first couple of kisses since that may show up as insecurity. Again, smile to defuse the situation (smirk comes handy in this situation).

When it comes to teasing, calibration is the key. You do not want to insult the girl. Insulting her will kill attraction instantly. Experiment and gain some experience. It doesn’t matter if you sometimes come out as awkward, experience is what matters. You can only get one testing in the filed. You will get this, and when you do, you will have one of the most powerful weapons of attraction at your disposal. And as a bonus, most guys don’t know it exists.

My Place

So, you will be having a girl at your place. Be prepared and make your life easier. Here are few tips:

Have a clean place
No dirty dishes or clothes laying around. Toilet is cleaned and nothing stinks. Your place reflects yourself (as does hers). If you are treating your body like a temple (which you are), so should your place.

Have an interesting place
I have a shelf dedicated to memorabilia from parts of my life. This was not put up for the sake of Game, but I like having memories with me. But it has helped on number of occasions (DHV).
I also have a bookshelf with various books (from grammars and management literature to light reading fiction).
I have a kinect. motion controlled games are excellent source of fun and help with kino escalation.
Under my coffee table I have magazines like “Men’s health”.
Head Massager is cool and cheap.
Picture Barney’s apartment from How I Met Your Mother. He has a stormtrooper (bit geeky, but unusual) and Katana (porn collection is a bit too much) as DHV items. Not to mention that the rest of apartment looks cool and meanly.

Romantic stuff (sex facilitators)
Candles – I love candles and it sets such a romantic mood
LED furniture – modern candles. Turn lights off, LEDs on, throw couple of candles. Cool meets romantic.
Music – there needs to be a background music for the mood. It doesn’t matter which (I have banged a chick with Game of Thrones running in the background)
Scents – Attack all senses. have your place smell nice.
Always have a bottle of wine – Chick love wine. Also, have some girly drinks on stand by (for those who don’t). If she is into beer, reconsider the bang, seriously.

Is there something else you are using? I would like to her it.

The Dateplan

So you managed to get a girl’s number. Great! What do you do now?
Next step is to meet her. And before that? Arrange the logistics of the meeting.
Let’s say that you have managed to build enough attraction when you have met her and used a couple of routines that she now finds you interesting. One of those that you should have used is a funny nick name. This is an essential link that will enable a smooth transaction into new conversation.

When do you do it? If I get a girl’s number (or FB or mail) during weekend, I usually contact them on Tuesday. Do not contact them, under any circumstances the same night or following morning. Also, don’t, after she gives you her number, “check if it works” or “I will call you so you can have mine”. Just don’t.

So, should you call or text?
Calling is dead. Today girls text, text and text some more. They don’t call. I tried calling, but it didn’t work as I would have wanted it. I prefer calling when there is some relationship going on and I can build rapport that way easily.
So, how complicated text should be?
As simple as possible, but with a some kind of twist. The twist comes from the nickname you gave her. Or the something you two came up with. Or from something you have been teasing her about (note, never tease about physical look, they tend to cry). The text should be about the logistics.
Here is an example:
Me:
Hi _insert nick name here_, _reference to the tease_ (e.g. Still planning on killing that girl? Should I start avoiding your part of town?) (The tease is a small bait that she has no problem answering to. It also helps you to see if she is near her phone and how quickly she responds. The quicker the better, reverse doesn’t apply.)
Her: _Answer to the tease_ (e.g. Nah, I have bigger plans in mind like blowing something up) (Depending how rich (playful) her answer is, you will know how hooked she is. Also, how fast she answers. The more, the better, but reverse doesn’t apply.)
Me: _Reference to the answer_ (e.g. Great, now I am on a FBI’s watch list.) _Transition from the reference to the logistics_ (e.g. I think we should discuss details in person. Coffee Saturday afternoon? I will send you details a couple of days before) (Short and simple. Don’t do long texts because they are better then you are. Jokes don’t sound good because you can’t calibrate and use your body language. The more you text, the more chance you have to screw something up. Also, notice that I didn’t ask for the permission (Would you like to…). I am polite enough to use a question mark but that can be changed into comma (calibration). Also, I haven’t ended my text with the question (keeping momentum going – I am telling her what to do)

Day before (or same day) I text with the details.
Me: Tomorrow, XXXX hrs, _place_
She: Ok, cya (Her text just came as I am writing this 🙂)

So, you have a solid basis to start with. She likes you. If she didn’t she wouldn’t answer your text (or would give you incorrect number).
If girl doesn’t show up (flakes) or cancels in last minute delete her number and newer speak to her. Do not believe any excuses unless you have slept with her (and then same rules often applies). If she makes an effort (such as contacting you) then give her another try.

The Date
First rule of date is to have a plan – a dateplan. Plan has to consist of activities you two are going to do. If you are thinking on the spot, you will be insecure and not a leader. Be prepared. Here is an outline of mine.
I don’t do “regular” dates (go to dinners). I meet girls for a coffee at a bar (since that is very nonthreatening). There I continue with being cocky and funny (attraction build). Time has passed since she last saw you and you need to boost attraction again.
After an hour or so, I tell I have a chore to do (usually shopping) and I would like her to come along (“women’s point of view”). There are a couple of reasons for this:
1. Venue change is good for comfort building.
2. She gets an opportunity to see me in a normal environment and activity.
3. I make an adventure out of it (I suggest her what to try, “she is helping me” vibe, more teasing and comfort building).

During this, second venue, I tone down with teasing (it is less frequent) I put more emphasis on comfort (by doing this chore she gets to know my likes and I get to know her). After going through couple of shops, we sit down for another drink (usually at the mall).

During this drink I suggest another bounce, something that is more romantic (isolated), such as a walk at the park/lake/city center… I want to bounce to a location that offers me more intimacy for deeper comfort building. If she agrees (and she will if you haven’t screwed something up), I tell her that I have one more chore to do before we can leave. I buy something that I have to bring back home (like meat). I know what are you thinking, but you are wrong.

We bounce to my place (“I have to drop this, come up with me, here is hot/cold”). When we come, I show her around (“I would like your opinion on e.g. carpets/kitchen renovation/whatever”). After maximum half an hour, I suggest we go for a walk as we planned (“Enough snooping, let’s go”).
This is the catch. She was expecting me to make the move, but I didn’t. As long as you are unpredictable, you will be attractive. Second thing I wanted to achieve was to show her my place and not to make such a big deal the next time when she comes (and it won’t be for the carpets).

Then we go for a walk. During that we are in deep rapport and building more comfort. Certain vulnerabilities come up, but only a glance of them (e.g. something from childhood). I usually do the Cube or any other comfort building routine. We are getting to know each other. We are connecting. This is an excellent time for the kiss (if you haven’t done it before).

Next bounce is my place (“It is getting darker and I am cold. I would love to continue this in a warmer environment. Let’s go to my place. You have to try some excellent wine I picked up last week”).
With each bounce, you should be getting closer and closer to your place. Last, comfort building place should be (ideally) waking distance away.

When you are at your place, bring up the wine (alcohol is a social lubricant). If she refuses to drink, that is a sign she is not ready jet. If she drinks, go on.
If she is not ready jet, you can build more comfort and rappor. One thing I do if she doesn’t drink is to cook something (and have her help you) or even better, have her cook for you. Girls love to teach men do something and give advice. Second thing, we can watch some movies or play my kinect.
If she drinks, escalate to making out. In either case, have an romantic atmosphere (dimmed lights, candles, music, scents…).
During making out, you can escalate to sex.

This whole process can be spread through several dates. I seal the deal until date 3, but each date has to escalate and make progress. If it doesn’t drop her. Usually it takes 7 hours from meeting to sex, says Mystery.

It is all about planning, leading and making an illusion that everything is happening flawlessly and fluidly so she can say “I can’t believe this happened” or “I usually don’t do this”.

Have the plan!

Do you have something to add? Share your experience.

Body Language

This subject is very dear to me since it was the first thing that got me learning about social dynamics (in general).
Studying body language has been my hobby for more then two years now and it is one of the skills I started my Game with. But knowing theory and applying it to the real world situations are two different things.
There are two aspects of body language that affect your Game. First (and easier one) is your body language. Here are few simple tips that will improve your Game in a blink:
1. Stand up straight with shoulders slightly rotated to the back, puffing your chest a little bit. Don’t overdo it since you will be looking like a tryhard.
2. Don’t look at your shoes while walking or talking. Your head should be up.
3. Smile. Especially when starting conversations. Don’t keep smiling whole time since it will look fake and weird (e.g. flight attendants). Ask yourself: “Is it normal to smile now?”. If you are meeting someone new, it is. If you are asking about the problem you are facing (aka serious subject), it is not.
4. While sitting, lean back. Even when you are having conversation with people. Even if it is loud. Other people will lean in towards you thus showing interest (IOI). This is the most common mistake guys make. They are interested in a girl and they show it by leaning in. Girls, who are much better at social dynamics then guys, interpret it as needy.
5. Don’t fidget and avoid fast movements. A confident person does not need to move a lot in order to attract attention. Moving a lot also shows nervousness (or neediness).
6. Make and hold eye contact while approaching and especially while talking to people. More advanced version of this technique is to break eye contact while talking to further show your confidence (and disinterest in the other party). Try not breaking eye contact until you are calibrated enough to know when, where and with whom you can do it in order to boost attraction. When breaking eye contact, break it sideways. Never break eye contact downwards.
7. If I had to give you one general tip about body language and confidence it would be this one: Confidant people tend to use (more) space (then they really need). So, when walking, take wide steps (again, don’t look ridiculous). When standing, either stand with legs standing apart (roughly same width as your hips) or have legs crossed (while leaned against something). First stance shows “ready for action”, second one indicates comfort.
8. Don’t know what to do with your arms? Here is what *not* to: Keep them behind the back or (even worse) cross them. Default position should be having them relaxed next to your pockets with fingers slightly bend inwards (what actually happens when you relax your arm while standing up straight).
9. Don’t put your hands in your pockets.
10. When holding objects (such as a drink in a bar) and talking to someone, hold it sideways and not in front of you. You don’t want to create a barrier between you and person you are talking to (same logic applies with crossed arms).

These are general guidelines and there are exceptions to some of them.
Improving your body language can improve your looks (and attraction) tremendously.

Here is an interesting article you should read.
For more comprehensive information about body language I suggest watching David DeAngelo’s Body Language program.

Second aspect is all about reading HB’s body language. This one takes time and practice. Basically, you need to learn about body language and how to use it. Here are some general rules:

1. Observe and observe actively!
Be active observer. Notice body language changes. You don’t have to understand at first what they mean, just noticing that something is going on, is excellent (and the hardest part about reading body language).

2. Observe in context!
Crossed arms means unfriendly? Maybe. But what if it is cold? Maybe her arms are cold.

3. Learn universal tells
This one is hard to explain in a couple of sentences. Those regarding attraction are these:
Is she laughing (after you deliver a joke, also, don’t laugh to your own jokes)?
Is she regulatory playing with her hair (after you said something)?
Is she looking at your lips (regularly)?
Is she facing you directly?
Is she mirroring your body language (mimicking your movements)?
Is she touching you? (this is a big one)
One hard tell to catch is a pupil dilation (don’t bother if you don’t see it).
Note that these tells will start happening as you become more attracted to her.

4. Observe unique tells
Everyone has unique tells. Maybe she likes to keep her arms crossed?

5. Establish a baseline first
While approaching and opening, you might have triggered her resistance (bitch) shield. Also, girls (especially in night clubs) are not their real selves. Night clubs are a virtual world, says David D, and I tend to agree. Reading is easier when you establish a baseline behavior first and then notice changes.

6. Tells are usually grouped
If you are doing things wright, she will be smiling, facing towards you while playing with hair and punching you in the arm.

7. (Sudden) Change what are you looking for (when screwing up)
This will usually happen when you did something wrong. She will suddenly close (you did terribly wrong) or start closing. Attraction is very easily lost. That is why we calibrate our behavior with each new HB.

8. The tells can be learned
Remind me, what are you doing right now again?

9. It all boils down to comfort and discomfort
All body language tells can be sorted in two categories: they show comfort of discomfort. Confidant body language equals comfort, needy shows discomfort. This way it is easier to read. After you do the read, think why is she showing comfort or discomfort.

10. Be subtle while observing
I gamed girls while talking about psychology and body language, but this is a double edged sword. Sometimes they tend to freak out (anyone tried dating a psychologist?). Never tell about your knowledge early on (during attraction). It kills mystery HBs are crazy about. Whole purpose about body language is to demonstrate that “you get it” without telling her directly. You can start talking about psychology to show “how deep you are” but newer tell something like “you suddenly closed (crossed arms), because I did that and that”.

This is body language in a nutshell. If you are more interested in the subject, I highly recommend you start with What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro.
Also note that this is a tool that can be used not only while gaming, but in everyday life.