The Art Of Touch

How to touch a women, or more commonly known kino is one of the milestones in any gamer’s career. Mostly what I have been talking about in this blog was how to convey value by verbal or nonverbal communication. This can get you pretty far in a relationship with a woman, but where you will get might not be where you wanted to be. Whether or not you use touch (kino) as part of seduction process, will depend if a girl will perceive you as a sexual partner or mere friend. Touching sends a clear message – I want you more than just a friendship.

This sends clear message

This sends a clear message

This was a difficult subject for me for a long time. I knew how to get girl interested. I knew how to get her comfortable and connect with her. But I didn’t know how to proceed. Touching people who were not close to me (like family) was awkward. It didn’t feel right or being myself. So, there was a paradigm. I could get girl pretty quickly to my apartment but then when I needed to proceed there was that insecurity. That was extremely incongruent moment where girl started thinking “Was this guy faking all this time?”. Of course, this was the worst case scenario. Luckily, girls here are not as hypergamous as those in the States so some mistakes are allowed. I, as nerd, needed instructions, needed a game plan. I needed something concrete I could use, what routines were when I was beginning with the Game.

I did quite extensive research on my subject. First, I looked at what information sources I had available at time. So I looked at routines featured in the Game by Neil Strauss. Afterwards, I looked at Mystery’s kino escalation guide. I found out about philosophy behind kino escalation: touch should never be a big thing. If you get her accustomed to you touching her (and she touching you), there won’t be any big moments such as first kiss. Therefore, I learned some basic palm reading, how to open with touch (tap on the shoulder, graze her when walking by), how to use “incidental” touch (taping shoulder when explaining, hugs as rewards for compliance…), friendship (compliance) test routine,… But this was all “innocent” touching used to spark attraction. I still didn’t have a full plan what to do when I get a girl back home. Then I learned about DiCarlo’s Escalation Ladder. I started field testing the method and I’ve hit jackpot. I am still using this framework today, although I have internalized it so I don’t need to follow it step by step. I occasionally use it when I get stuck or have a brain freeze. Besides this framework I suggest researching in more details on topics mentioned in the ladder depending on your knowledge and experience (e.g. french kissing, fingering, sex techniques).
One last point, learn to multitask. Each of your hands and your head (mouth) should be able to operate separately. That way, when you distract her with kissing, you can start fingering her and undressing her with hands. In time she will find herself in “it just happened” situation.

Each new notch will teach you something new, something she likes. Talk with your guy friends and exchange notes.

Have fun and experiment.

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Commitment & Comfort

If I needed to sum all my current Game to just a couple of words, teasing, commitment, comfort and kino escalation would be it. Today, I will talk about what happens after you have sparked interest and attraction.

Commitment
Commitment, in psychology, is an amount of resources we have invested towards certain goal or action. That resource can be time, money or something else that is valuable to us. A nice trick regarding commitment is the more we invest, the more we are certain it will work and as a result we get hooked.
Comment was explained in details and backed up by research in book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini. I recommend reading this book, it breaks influence to science. Here is a section from the book:

A study done by a pair of Canadian psychologists uncovered something fascinating about people at the racetrack: Just after placing a bet, they are much more confident of their horse’s chances of winning than they are immediately before laying down that bet. Of course, nothing about the horse’s chances actually shifts; it’s the same horse, on the same track, in the same field; but in the minds of those bettors, its prospects improve significantly once that ticket is purchased. Although a bit puzzling at first glance, the reason for the dramatic change has to do with a common weapon of social influence. Like the other weapons of influence, this one lies deep within us, directing our actions with quiet power. It is, quite simply, our nearly obsessive desire to be (and to appear) consistent with what we have already done. Once we have made a choice or taken a stand, we will encounter personal and interpersonal pressures to behave consistently with that commitment. Those pressures will cause us to respond in ways that justify our earlier decision.

Another example with better application to Game:


They met at a hospital where he worked as an X-ray technician and she as a nutritionist. They dated for a while, even after Tim lost his job, and eventually they moved in together. Things were never perfect for Sara: She wanted Tim to marry her and to stop his heavy drinking; Tim resisted both ideas. After an especially difficult period of conflict, Sara broke off the relationship, and Tim moved out. At the same time, an old boyfriend of Sara’s returned to town after years away and called her. They started seeing each other socially and quickly became serious enough to plan a wedding. They had gone so far as to set a date and issue invitations when Tim called. He had repented and wanted to move back in. When Sara told him her marriage plans, he begged her to change her mind; he wanted to be together with her as before. But Sara refused, saying she didn’t want to live like that again. Tim even offered to marry her, but she still said she preferred the other boyfriend. Finally, Tim volunteered to quit drinking if she would only relent. Feeling that under those conditions Tim had the edge, Sara decided to break her engagement, cancel the wedding, retract the invitations, and let Tim move back in with her.
Within a month, Tim informed Sara that he didn’t think he needed to stop his drinking after all; a month later, he had decided that they should “wait and see” before getting married. Two years have since passed; Tim and Sara continue to live together exactly as before. He still drinks, there are still no marriage plans, yet Sara is more devoted to Tim than she ever was. She says that being forced to choose taught her that Tim really is number one in her heart. So, after choosing Tim over her other boyfriend, Sara became happier with him, even though the conditions under which she had made her choice have never been fulfilled.

You could call Sara’s behavior a rationalization and it certainly is, but reasoning why it came to it is commitment.

So, now that you understand how commitment works, here is it how to apply it to Game. Start small and work your way up. Small examples would be making her do something trivial for you, like bringing you a glass of water or holding something for you. Give her a hand and see if she will recuperate. Make her invest some time talking to you and contributing to the conversation. Next, make her do something you tell her (e.g. come at specific time and place when arranging a date). Whenever you lead her and she obeys, she has committed. Next would be buying you a drink (you can buy the next round). Idea with girl buying you stuff is not to leech of her but making her commit. But I would lie if I told you gifts don’t build ego. This commitment escalation eventually leads to her investing enough in relationship that she is hooked and she starts chasing you (texting, calling…) which means more and more commitment. Unless you break this commitment buildup by making her rationalize you were yet another jerk who took advantage of her (meaning not enough comfort), she can’t break this circle. Easiest way to do this is to have a kind, gentle, romantic moments (which I truly love) mixed with firm deceive and aloof ones.

Comfort
Commitment might be broken if a girl doesn’t feel comfortable with you. Commitment means trust. In order to build comfort, she needs to learn about you. She needs to scratch behind the surface, behind the mask and see your persona. I don’t mean being serous all the time, just more than when you met her. Talk about stuff that matters. What are her goals in life right now? What does she like to do? What kind of person she is. What interests do you share? Anything else you two share? Also, she will want to know similar information about you. Ask qualification questions. Spend time with her where you both exchange information (that is why going to movies sucks). Create rapport by pacing. Don’t interrupt her with questions, let her speak. The more she speaks the better. She is investing. She is committing. She is caring. Best way to test current comfort levels is by escalating commitment like previously mentioned. Another way is by kino escalation.

Commitment is a gateway to comfort but comfort enables further commitment. Result of this intertwined dynamic is a relationship.

Experiment, gain experience and have fun.

Teasing

Teasing is one of best ways how to spark an attraction in a woman. Reason why it works is pretty simple – no one treats her like that. And that demonstrates you are not afraid to risk offending her. And risking is sexy.

Still not convinced?

Ok, there are a couple of things at work here. First is novelty (no one is treating her like that). Everything that is new is by default interesting. As we get familiar with something, it is less and less exciting. Second is risking and not giving the damn. Risking demonstrates balls, which every girl seeks in a potential mate (so that he can take care of and protect her in the future). Not giving the damn demonstrates familiarity with the subject (opposite from novelty described earlier). And every women wants a guy with experience. Thirdly, teasing makes her work for your attention. Every tease is an “obstacle”. And everything that needs to be worked for is precious. Also, tease builds and suddenly releases pressure. After a comment, which is usually negative, but before you smile, she is not certain if you are serious or not. If you are serious, you are a jerk. If not, you are fun. That insecurity builds pressure. Smile or other comment afterwards releases pressure. That emotional roller coaster is what makes panties wet. Lastly, teasing makes girls laugh. And a man who can make a girl laugh regularly, will win her hearth (and much more).

Look at her face, you can just feel panties getting wet

If you are new to the Game, this will feel very unnatural since it is opposite of nice. Nice is safe way. It is monotone. Opposite of what I have described previously (and thus unattractive). Teasing doesn’t mean being a jerk, like making jokes doesn’t mean being misleading. Both are meant to be fun because they are not part of our everyday life and therefore novel.

So, how to tease a girl? Correct mindset can be summed up in one sentence: “Treat her like your bratty little sister.” That’s it. You would tease your little sister and call upon her misdeeds and stupidity. You would make fun of her. Not because you are mean, but because that’s what brothers do. Again, this will feel unnatural in the beginning. So, how to start?

First, observe people around you who are popular. They are teasing everybody in regular basis. Observe how are others treating them reacting to their teasing. Even though what are they doing can be seen as mischievous, everybody likes them. Next, start teasing your close ones – your friends. They might react to your sudden change of character so don’t overdo it. Introduce tease gently and gradually into your style. Remember, it is never a goal to insult anyone. That is why you smile or comment in order to show you were only joking. As you practice you will be more and more proficient and able to fine tune each tease to a situation and a person. Today, I tease all the time which sometimes leads to overdoing. But it is better to overdo than to play safely. When I was learning about teasing, I wanted to see how far can I go. My goal was to get slapped by a girl without being rude or insulting. I went to a private party where I knew only one person. The girl, who was my target, I saw first time in my life. I was teasing her whole evening, not wasting an opportunity. Whatever I did, I couldn’t get slapped. I even got her friends to laugh at her expense. I noticed that girl was more and more interested in me. Since then, I called girls even a Nazi or mass murderer (stalker is my regular one), which out of context is insulting. If you are good enough, you can wrap insults in a nice shiny paper and present them as jokes. This type of teasing is usually called neg in the community.

Another way of teasing is letting girl know you know something that is interesting to her and make her work to get the information. Basically, you are dangling with a string in front of a cat and you watch her try to catch it. To be able to do this, you need to find some piece of information she will be interested in. This can be achieved either by reading her body language, closely listening or prior research. This takes experience and calibrating (fine tuning) your social skills. For example, when I show my apartment to a girl I go to every room except for one. Door to that room is in a middle of a hallway so missing it is rather hard. When I come to that door I either pause and continue to the next room or just say “And behind this door,… Never mind, it is not important.”. If she insists, I make some over the top story (“Just some skeletons in the closet” or “Tied up virgins for after dinner”) and continue. If she wants to know, she will have to work for it. And I make her.

Also, when you are in a physical relationship with a girl (e.g. kissing) you can tease her. One thing I like to do is when we are going for a kiss (you know, 90-10 ratio), when she goes for her 10% I evade her kiss. Girls get mad and want that more to kiss you. I also comment “Patience is a virtue” or something similar. Don’t do it for the first couple of kisses since that may show up as insecurity. Again, smile to defuse the situation (smirk comes handy in this situation).

When it comes to teasing, calibration is the key. You do not want to insult the girl. Insulting her will kill attraction instantly. Experiment and gain some experience. It doesn’t matter if you sometimes come out as awkward, experience is what matters. You can only get one testing in the filed. You will get this, and when you do, you will have one of the most powerful weapons of attraction at your disposal. And as a bonus, most guys don’t know it exists.