Example Of Frame Control

I have written about frame control previously and how once you establish certain vibe, holding it is what makes or breaks seduction and relationships. Here is an example that happened last week:

I was out with my prime girl (PG) in rotation listening and dancing to live music my good friend was performing. Unfortunately, I didn’t consider that I met another girl (AG) at that time also in my rotation via same friend. As my luck turned out, she was there. I was dancing seductively with my prime girl pretty much whole night and there was much more going on under the table. As night was coming to a close, second girl came to my table.

AG: “Hi, what are you doing here?”
Me: “Same thing you are, listening to ”
(At that point it clicked that she could have been here whole time. When I saw her I kept my calm as nothing wrong was going on.)
Me: “How rude of me. This is…”
(They shook hands and exchanged polite “Hellos”)
AG: “It was nice seeing you. I will be going now, it is late.”
(It was around 2 AM)
Me: “Really? Late? You are really getting old.”
(She had birthday last weekend turning big 30)
AG: “You know me. Cya”
Me: “Cya”

Afterwards I took my PG to a balcony above the club and had my fun with her. Later we came back to my place for seconds. When I was going to bed around 6 AM I noticed a mail from AG. I read it next afternoon:

AG: “So, you brought a date to place where you could have, at least, asked yourself if I was going to be there. What can I conclude from this except that you don’t care?”

What would you do? How would you respond? Would you respond?

Ok, you have your answer. Here is mine.
Well, I thought of possible responses. If you don’t know what to say, usually it is best to  say nothing. But, in this situation, saying nothing would result in her dropping the ball. She wasn’t hooked enough for just silence to work. Another thing you can try is to evade the question by changing the subject. I also didn’t want to do that since my frame is more masculine than aloof one. I don’t run. Absolute worst thing would be to apologize, that’s what beta nice guy would do. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never promised her anything and explaining would result in drama she was trying to get me involved in. I also didn’t want to lie to her. I don’t like lying and try to avoid it, especially about stuff like this (little white lies don’t count). I’ve could have said something like “Do you really believe that I don’t have any other female friends in my life? So, you are going to be jealous about each and every of them? I don’t need this.” This is a textbook deflection and turning the tables (suddenly she is explaining herself). This would have worked since I have stronger frame, but this would involve lying and I wanted to find more clean (and alpha) solution.
I came up with this.

Me: “If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t spend time with you.”

What is so good about this sentence? First it is shorter than hers. You don’t want to write longer responses than she does, at least not on regular basis. Secondly, I gave her something she lost – comfort. Also, it is absolutely true. There is no groveling or begging. Trying to explain or apologize. And it is about me.

This sentence reminded me about famous “You make me a better man” compliment. I suggest watching this clip. It is as alpha as it gets. You can find whole analysis here. She responded with:

AG: “Indirectly connected to this topic, do you know you leave a very slutty impression about yourself?”

Here, she is still any but can’t grab to anything from my response and is asking for more material. This is precisely why your messages should be short and clean. Additionally, she demonstrates the lack of basic understanding the difference between male and female notch count. She is judging me using “female logic”.

Me: “And cheeky, frivolous, elusive, impulsive, passionate, unpredictable, exciting, playful and other reasons you adore me. And don’t forget arrogant.”
(Notice a list aloof qualities that are sorted from more negative to more positive ones. And last one being a mixed one, that girls love. Again, I am not qualifying to her.)

AG: “And sometimes witty and funny. 🙂 Don’t forget selfish, another adorable quality. :P”
(Notice how far conversation has progressed from her being angry to now being amused. I didn’t respond. Next followup is even more interesting.)

AG: “We are really communicative last few days.
I am annoyed by this way of communication because it doesn’t solve things. And I like to have things concluded. Otherwise I complicate my life. 😉 (She cares, if she doesn’t she wouldn’t bother about things being solved or not. Also, I tease her a lot that she has a tendency to complicate everything.)
I was slightly angry at you because I expect a certain level or thoughtfulness and tenderness. And I am not that not jealous. 😛 But what can I do about that…
(She is almost apologizing. Her hamster is not allowing her to really apologize.)
Basically, you know I find you interesting (Really? I wouldn’t know?) (btw, not only for qualities such as playfulness or excitement but also because you are a deep person, you have strong will and other thing) and kind, but we are looking for different things. I need closeness and you want to experiment with always new experiences. Do you agree?” (These two qualities are not opposite or contradict each other.)

I could have written something like “A little jealously is not bad. And more closeness needs to be earned.” And she would have worked for it. She was looking for an excuse and my conformation to terminate this relationship (or at least not to progress further. She was not ready to do it herself. She was to hooked. But she is looking to settle down with slower life. I am not. She would need much more work and I she is worth it. Because of that, I decided to let her go. I responded with:

Me: “I agree.
Good luck and one parting gift (something every women should listen to):

Girls, if you want to keep a man around you need to boost your feminine essence. To do so I recommend the following:

  • Read The Rules Revisted and be prepared to learn from it rather than salve your ego by rejecting it. If you disagree with any post there it means you are wrong.
  • Change your diet away from man foods. Get more fresh vegetables, fruit, water, white meats.
  • Stop drinking alcohol. Really, try to entirely cut alcohol out of your life. If you must drink, avoid beers and lagers at all costs. More than anything else, alcohol and cigarettes ruin a girl’s hormone balance.
  • Don’t lift weights, circuit train or jog. Which girls have the most sexy feminine bodies? Yes, dancers, aerobics instructors and pilates girls. Joggers always look like shit.
  • Take pleasure in learning to cook and other girly hobbies. Make a real skill out of it. It’s so easy to set yourself apart from, and above, the crowd of girls with androgynous or masculine hobbies.”

I wanted to stay in good relationships with her. You never know when life will bring you together again. Never burn bridges behind you. If she is going to work on herself to become a better women, I might sample the change once. In her view, I exited as a very interesting and quality guy who is, unfortunately for her, looking for something different. She might come back. I only need to want her to come. And that is all I am looking for.

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The Art Of Misery

I have a friend. His life is tough, really tough. He went through some things I wouldn’t want my greatest enemy to go through. He made mistakes, mistakes that participated to the sum of his life. But who hasn’t? He is a good person, too good for his own good. And in life we live today such persons get punished for being good. Is being bad the solution?

He was in a happy long term relationship a couple of years ago. His girl got pregnant and they got married. He got a beautiful son. And he was happy. His, now wife, for some reason was not. But he, as a good guy he is, tried to be even nicer. He worked even harder to be the best provider. She demanded even more. He worked even more. Humans are miserable animals. We believe if we do the same thing harder, things will be better, but they won’t. Change is what makes things better. He snapped. He got divorced. Splitting almost killed him because he loved and still loves (as of today) his now ex wife. He adores his kid. Who wouldn’t? I love his kid. But a child needs a stable family. His will never have.

Family is always there for us. And we, children grown up, try to be for them. But there comes a point in life where life seems unfair and our loved ones go away. It is sad but normal part of life. We have to step in to help. But there is a void that, in order for life to feel normal again, needs to be filled. We try to become providers in stead of our fathers for our family. We start to be mentors in stead of our fathers to our siblings. We start to work harder. Humans are miserable animals. We believe if we do the same thing harder, things will be better, but they won’t. Change is what does. We can’t live other peoples’ lives in stead of our own. This has nothing to do with selfishness but no father or mother would want our lives spent in name of theirs. Some voids have to be accepted and lived with.

He found love again. Like at the beginning of every relationship they played games. Games of courtship and getting to know the limits of other and relationship itself are a normal part of any beginning. But they couldn’t stop. When their love was mature and it was clear to everyone they are crazy about each other, they were still driving each other mad by games and drama. She happens to love drama and he happens to love her. They were splitting and getting back together on numerous times. Humans are miserable animals. We believe by doing the same things harder, things will be better. Now, they are split apart for last time but still together. Guys when having tough times tend to run to places they were happy. To women. There is nothing like a warm and tender women’s bosom that can calm a man. The same is leadership and decisiveness women seek in men. When there is missing, warmth turns to drama because there are no limits and women tend to test them. Always. Drama provides the same emotions as a decisive man – excitement.

Change.
Change is the only cure for solving problems. It is hard to change. It is easier to escape to moments of happiness (drinking, drugs, ignoring problems…) and, in the mean time, work harder on doing the same thing. Same thing we are so good at. Being miserable. We humans are miserable animals indeed.

I thought of finishing this article with last sentence. But that would be pathetic. There is a way to fight misery. Change. How? Start small. Remove or contain sources of misery. Set priorities. The moment a women is a number one priority, and she knows it (and she will) you become number two. Number one is everything else. Priorities – yourself (health, psychical and mental), family and friends then women. Don’t think you can tackle all areas simultaneously. Start by priorities. First, change yourself by start living healthier – exercise and read books. You can’t help others if you are a mess. Second, take care of your family and friends. When everything is settled attend to your women. Set her limits. She wants it. Don’t be a jerk (no, being bad is not the solution), don’t be a nice guy either. Find a middle, be a man who is a decisive leader. A masculine man. Don’t sell yourself short for a pussy. If you tell me you love her more than yourself, your family and friends and you believe it deep down, you, my friend, will be miserable for the rest of your life. And sooner then later, you will be alone. Pathetic, bitter, broken and alone. Consider this as my final warning.