Example Of Frame Control

I have written about frame control previously and how once you establish certain vibe, holding it is what makes or breaks seduction and relationships. Here is an example that happened last week:

I was out with my prime girl (PG) in rotation listening and dancing to live music my good friend was performing. Unfortunately, I didn’t consider that I met another girl (AG) at that time also in my rotation via same friend. As my luck turned out, she was there. I was dancing seductively with my prime girl pretty much whole night and there was much more going on under the table. As night was coming to a close, second girl came to my table.

AG: “Hi, what are you doing here?”
Me: “Same thing you are, listening to ”
(At that point it clicked that she could have been here whole time. When I saw her I kept my calm as nothing wrong was going on.)
Me: “How rude of me. This is…”
(They shook hands and exchanged polite “Hellos”)
AG: “It was nice seeing you. I will be going now, it is late.”
(It was around 2 AM)
Me: “Really? Late? You are really getting old.”
(She had birthday last weekend turning big 30)
AG: “You know me. Cya”
Me: “Cya”

Afterwards I took my PG to a balcony above the club and had my fun with her. Later we came back to my place for seconds. When I was going to bed around 6 AM I noticed a mail from AG. I read it next afternoon:

AG: “So, you brought a date to place where you could have, at least, asked yourself if I was going to be there. What can I conclude from this except that you don’t care?”

What would you do? How would you respond? Would you respond?

Ok, you have your answer. Here is mine.
Well, I thought of possible responses. If you don’t know what to say, usually it is best to  say nothing. But, in this situation, saying nothing would result in her dropping the ball. She wasn’t hooked enough for just silence to work. Another thing you can try is to evade the question by changing the subject. I also didn’t want to do that since my frame is more masculine than aloof one. I don’t run. Absolute worst thing would be to apologize, that’s what beta nice guy would do. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never promised her anything and explaining would result in drama she was trying to get me involved in. I also didn’t want to lie to her. I don’t like lying and try to avoid it, especially about stuff like this (little white lies don’t count). I’ve could have said something like “Do you really believe that I don’t have any other female friends in my life? So, you are going to be jealous about each and every of them? I don’t need this.” This is a textbook deflection and turning the tables (suddenly she is explaining herself). This would have worked since I have stronger frame, but this would involve lying and I wanted to find more clean (and alpha) solution.
I came up with this.

Me: “If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t spend time with you.”

What is so good about this sentence? First it is shorter than hers. You don’t want to write longer responses than she does, at least not on regular basis. Secondly, I gave her something she lost – comfort. Also, it is absolutely true. There is no groveling or begging. Trying to explain or apologize. And it is about me.

This sentence reminded me about famous “You make me a better man” compliment. I suggest watching this clip. It is as alpha as it gets. You can find whole analysis here. She responded with:

AG: “Indirectly connected to this topic, do you know you leave a very slutty impression about yourself?”

Here, she is still any but can’t grab to anything from my response and is asking for more material. This is precisely why your messages should be short and clean. Additionally, she demonstrates the lack of basic understanding the difference between male and female notch count. She is judging me using “female logic”.

Me: “And cheeky, frivolous, elusive, impulsive, passionate, unpredictable, exciting, playful and other reasons you adore me. And don’t forget arrogant.”
(Notice a list aloof qualities that are sorted from more negative to more positive ones. And last one being a mixed one, that girls love. Again, I am not qualifying to her.)

AG: “And sometimes witty and funny. 🙂 Don’t forget selfish, another adorable quality. :P”
(Notice how far conversation has progressed from her being angry to now being amused. I didn’t respond. Next followup is even more interesting.)

AG: “We are really communicative last few days.
I am annoyed by this way of communication because it doesn’t solve things. And I like to have things concluded. Otherwise I complicate my life. 😉 (She cares, if she doesn’t she wouldn’t bother about things being solved or not. Also, I tease her a lot that she has a tendency to complicate everything.)
I was slightly angry at you because I expect a certain level or thoughtfulness and tenderness. And I am not that not jealous. 😛 But what can I do about that…
(She is almost apologizing. Her hamster is not allowing her to really apologize.)
Basically, you know I find you interesting (Really? I wouldn’t know?) (btw, not only for qualities such as playfulness or excitement but also because you are a deep person, you have strong will and other thing) and kind, but we are looking for different things. I need closeness and you want to experiment with always new experiences. Do you agree?” (These two qualities are not opposite or contradict each other.)

I could have written something like “A little jealously is not bad. And more closeness needs to be earned.” And she would have worked for it. She was looking for an excuse and my conformation to terminate this relationship (or at least not to progress further. She was not ready to do it herself. She was to hooked. But she is looking to settle down with slower life. I am not. She would need much more work and I she is worth it. Because of that, I decided to let her go. I responded with:

Me: “I agree.
Good luck and one parting gift (something every women should listen to):

Girls, if you want to keep a man around you need to boost your feminine essence. To do so I recommend the following:

  • Read The Rules Revisted and be prepared to learn from it rather than salve your ego by rejecting it. If you disagree with any post there it means you are wrong.
  • Change your diet away from man foods. Get more fresh vegetables, fruit, water, white meats.
  • Stop drinking alcohol. Really, try to entirely cut alcohol out of your life. If you must drink, avoid beers and lagers at all costs. More than anything else, alcohol and cigarettes ruin a girl’s hormone balance.
  • Don’t lift weights, circuit train or jog. Which girls have the most sexy feminine bodies? Yes, dancers, aerobics instructors and pilates girls. Joggers always look like shit.
  • Take pleasure in learning to cook and other girly hobbies. Make a real skill out of it. It’s so easy to set yourself apart from, and above, the crowd of girls with androgynous or masculine hobbies.”

I wanted to stay in good relationships with her. You never know when life will bring you together again. Never burn bridges behind you. If she is going to work on herself to become a better women, I might sample the change once. In her view, I exited as a very interesting and quality guy who is, unfortunately for her, looking for something different. She might come back. I only need to want her to come. And that is all I am looking for.

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Rationalization

Men are logical creatures, women are emotional. This is a number one lesson any man needs to learn and understand. Consequences of such emotional approach to life is women’s tendency to judge something to be right or wrong depending how she feels at that moment. And this judgement is not set in stone. Such (“normal”) emotional swings confuse guys as we try to logically understand the situation. Well, this usually doesn’t work. She accuses you how “you don’t understand her”, and you are left confused and would like to have mind reading abilities. What does a nice guy do? He tries correct the situation. He either asks more about it (in order to logically understand), noticeably flustered, or takes the blame and starts apologizing and begging. This, irritates the girl even more.

So, what to do?
First, analyze the situation and conclude is this a shit test or not. If it is a shit test, ignore it or call her on it like you would a brandish little sister (“Stop behaving like a little brad. Pick yourself up and let’s go.”).
If it is not a shit test but something that she, logically, has reasons to be upset about and if you messed up, apologize. Don’t beg, just say you mad a mistake. Don’t lose your frame. If is something else, provide her comfort and be there for her (e.g. hold her tightly in your arms).

Usually when dealing with women, don’t listen what they say, watch how they react. Use black box approach. Women will often say things like “I like nice guys who are always taking care of me” but will then get irritated by his suffocating attention or jealousy. Girls like bad boys even though no one will admit it.

Another consequence of such emotional approach is that she will always find excuses for any mistakes she (logically) made that felt good at the time. This is called rationalization. A metaphor for this phenomenon is a hamster spinning in a wheel since she believes in excuses she has made to be true. And she keeps telling them and living with (in) them without realizing the truth and that she is not getting anywhere (metaphor for the wheel).
Some examples would be:
“I don’t usually do that!” Something you can hear after a girl sleeps with you rather quickly in order not to feel like a slut.
“I am not fat, there is just more me to love.” Khm…
“There are no more nice guys.” A commonly used by women who are about to hit the wall (meaning stop being attractive, usually happening around late twenties or early thirties). She enjoyed her youth and all attention that came with it. She has lost her youth and suddenly no one cares about her. It must be those jerks.

Listen to the hamster!

Listen to the hamster!

There is an article that goes extensively how to handle emotional swings. Stay calm and don’t give up to her storm. She will appreciate you more for not getting drawn into her emotions. You will be the man she loves.

Women should always try to be more feminine in order to keep her man. To do so I recommend the following:

  • Read The Rules Revisted and be prepared to learn from it rather than salve your ego by rejecting it. If you disagree with any post there it means you are wrong.
  • Change your diet away from man foods. Get more fresh vegetables, fruit, water, white meats.
  • Stop drinking alcohol. Really, try to entirely cut alcohol out of your life. If you must drink, avoid beers and lagers at all costs. More then anything else, alcohol and cigarettes ruin a girl’s hormone balance.
  • Don’t lift weights, circuit train or jog. Which girls have the most sexy feminine bodies? Yes, dancers, aerobics instructors and pilates girls. Joggers always look like shit.
  • Take pleasure in learning to cook and other girly hobbies. Make a real skill out of it. It’s so easy to set yourself apart from, and above, the crowd of girls with androgynous or masculine hobbies.