Example Of Frame Control

I have written about frame control previously and how once you establish certain vibe, holding it is what makes or breaks seduction and relationships. Here is an example that happened last week:

I was out with my prime girl (PG) in rotation listening and dancing to live music my good friend was performing. Unfortunately, I didn’t consider that I met another girl (AG) at that time also in my rotation via same friend. As my luck turned out, she was there. I was dancing seductively with my prime girl pretty much whole night and there was much more going on under the table. As night was coming to a close, second girl came to my table.

AG: “Hi, what are you doing here?”
Me: “Same thing you are, listening to ”
(At that point it clicked that she could have been here whole time. When I saw her I kept my calm as nothing wrong was going on.)
Me: “How rude of me. This is…”
(They shook hands and exchanged polite “Hellos”)
AG: “It was nice seeing you. I will be going now, it is late.”
(It was around 2 AM)
Me: “Really? Late? You are really getting old.”
(She had birthday last weekend turning big 30)
AG: “You know me. Cya”
Me: “Cya”

Afterwards I took my PG to a balcony above the club and had my fun with her. Later we came back to my place for seconds. When I was going to bed around 6 AM I noticed a mail from AG. I read it next afternoon:

AG: “So, you brought a date to place where you could have, at least, asked yourself if I was going to be there. What can I conclude from this except that you don’t care?”

What would you do? How would you respond? Would you respond?

Ok, you have your answer. Here is mine.
Well, I thought of possible responses. If you don’t know what to say, usually it is best to  say nothing. But, in this situation, saying nothing would result in her dropping the ball. She wasn’t hooked enough for just silence to work. Another thing you can try is to evade the question by changing the subject. I also didn’t want to do that since my frame is more masculine than aloof one. I don’t run. Absolute worst thing would be to apologize, that’s what beta nice guy would do. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never promised her anything and explaining would result in drama she was trying to get me involved in. I also didn’t want to lie to her. I don’t like lying and try to avoid it, especially about stuff like this (little white lies don’t count). I’ve could have said something like “Do you really believe that I don’t have any other female friends in my life? So, you are going to be jealous about each and every of them? I don’t need this.” This is a textbook deflection and turning the tables (suddenly she is explaining herself). This would have worked since I have stronger frame, but this would involve lying and I wanted to find more clean (and alpha) solution.
I came up with this.

Me: “If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t spend time with you.”

What is so good about this sentence? First it is shorter than hers. You don’t want to write longer responses than she does, at least not on regular basis. Secondly, I gave her something she lost – comfort. Also, it is absolutely true. There is no groveling or begging. Trying to explain or apologize. And it is about me.

This sentence reminded me about famous “You make me a better man” compliment. I suggest watching this clip. It is as alpha as it gets. You can find whole analysis here. She responded with:

AG: “Indirectly connected to this topic, do you know you leave a very slutty impression about yourself?”

Here, she is still any but can’t grab to anything from my response and is asking for more material. This is precisely why your messages should be short and clean. Additionally, she demonstrates the lack of basic understanding the difference between male and female notch count. She is judging me using “female logic”.

Me: “And cheeky, frivolous, elusive, impulsive, passionate, unpredictable, exciting, playful and other reasons you adore me. And don’t forget arrogant.”
(Notice a list aloof qualities that are sorted from more negative to more positive ones. And last one being a mixed one, that girls love. Again, I am not qualifying to her.)

AG: “And sometimes witty and funny. 🙂 Don’t forget selfish, another adorable quality. :P”
(Notice how far conversation has progressed from her being angry to now being amused. I didn’t respond. Next followup is even more interesting.)

AG: “We are really communicative last few days.
I am annoyed by this way of communication because it doesn’t solve things. And I like to have things concluded. Otherwise I complicate my life. 😉 (She cares, if she doesn’t she wouldn’t bother about things being solved or not. Also, I tease her a lot that she has a tendency to complicate everything.)
I was slightly angry at you because I expect a certain level or thoughtfulness and tenderness. And I am not that not jealous. 😛 But what can I do about that…
(She is almost apologizing. Her hamster is not allowing her to really apologize.)
Basically, you know I find you interesting (Really? I wouldn’t know?) (btw, not only for qualities such as playfulness or excitement but also because you are a deep person, you have strong will and other thing) and kind, but we are looking for different things. I need closeness and you want to experiment with always new experiences. Do you agree?” (These two qualities are not opposite or contradict each other.)

I could have written something like “A little jealously is not bad. And more closeness needs to be earned.” And she would have worked for it. She was looking for an excuse and my conformation to terminate this relationship (or at least not to progress further. She was not ready to do it herself. She was to hooked. But she is looking to settle down with slower life. I am not. She would need much more work and I she is worth it. Because of that, I decided to let her go. I responded with:

Me: “I agree.
Good luck and one parting gift (something every women should listen to):

Girls, if you want to keep a man around you need to boost your feminine essence. To do so I recommend the following:

  • Read The Rules Revisted and be prepared to learn from it rather than salve your ego by rejecting it. If you disagree with any post there it means you are wrong.
  • Change your diet away from man foods. Get more fresh vegetables, fruit, water, white meats.
  • Stop drinking alcohol. Really, try to entirely cut alcohol out of your life. If you must drink, avoid beers and lagers at all costs. More than anything else, alcohol and cigarettes ruin a girl’s hormone balance.
  • Don’t lift weights, circuit train or jog. Which girls have the most sexy feminine bodies? Yes, dancers, aerobics instructors and pilates girls. Joggers always look like shit.
  • Take pleasure in learning to cook and other girly hobbies. Make a real skill out of it. It’s so easy to set yourself apart from, and above, the crowd of girls with androgynous or masculine hobbies.”

I wanted to stay in good relationships with her. You never know when life will bring you together again. Never burn bridges behind you. If she is going to work on herself to become a better women, I might sample the change once. In her view, I exited as a very interesting and quality guy who is, unfortunately for her, looking for something different. She might come back. I only need to want her to come. And that is all I am looking for.

Advertisements

The Art Of Touch

How to touch a women, or more commonly known kino is one of the milestones in any gamer’s career. Mostly what I have been talking about in this blog was how to convey value by verbal or nonverbal communication. This can get you pretty far in a relationship with a woman, but where you will get might not be where you wanted to be. Whether or not you use touch (kino) as part of seduction process, will depend if a girl will perceive you as a sexual partner or mere friend. Touching sends a clear message – I want you more than just a friendship.

This sends clear message

This sends a clear message

This was a difficult subject for me for a long time. I knew how to get girl interested. I knew how to get her comfortable and connect with her. But I didn’t know how to proceed. Touching people who were not close to me (like family) was awkward. It didn’t feel right or being myself. So, there was a paradigm. I could get girl pretty quickly to my apartment but then when I needed to proceed there was that insecurity. That was extremely incongruent moment where girl started thinking “Was this guy faking all this time?”. Of course, this was the worst case scenario. Luckily, girls here are not as hypergamous as those in the States so some mistakes are allowed. I, as nerd, needed instructions, needed a game plan. I needed something concrete I could use, what routines were when I was beginning with the Game.

I did quite extensive research on my subject. First, I looked at what information sources I had available at time. So I looked at routines featured in the Game by Neil Strauss. Afterwards, I looked at Mystery’s kino escalation guide. I found out about philosophy behind kino escalation: touch should never be a big thing. If you get her accustomed to you touching her (and she touching you), there won’t be any big moments such as first kiss. Therefore, I learned some basic palm reading, how to open with touch (tap on the shoulder, graze her when walking by), how to use “incidental” touch (taping shoulder when explaining, hugs as rewards for compliance…), friendship (compliance) test routine,… But this was all “innocent” touching used to spark attraction. I still didn’t have a full plan what to do when I get a girl back home. Then I learned about DiCarlo’s Escalation Ladder. I started field testing the method and I’ve hit jackpot. I am still using this framework today, although I have internalized it so I don’t need to follow it step by step. I occasionally use it when I get stuck or have a brain freeze. Besides this framework I suggest researching in more details on topics mentioned in the ladder depending on your knowledge and experience (e.g. french kissing, fingering, sex techniques).
One last point, learn to multitask. Each of your hands and your head (mouth) should be able to operate separately. That way, when you distract her with kissing, you can start fingering her and undressing her with hands. In time she will find herself in “it just happened” situation.

Each new notch will teach you something new, something she likes. Talk with your guy friends and exchange notes.

Have fun and experiment.

Commitment & Comfort

If I needed to sum all my current Game to just a couple of words, teasing, commitment, comfort and kino escalation would be it. Today, I will talk about what happens after you have sparked interest and attraction.

Commitment
Commitment, in psychology, is an amount of resources we have invested towards certain goal or action. That resource can be time, money or something else that is valuable to us. A nice trick regarding commitment is the more we invest, the more we are certain it will work and as a result we get hooked.
Comment was explained in details and backed up by research in book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini. I recommend reading this book, it breaks influence to science. Here is a section from the book:

A study done by a pair of Canadian psychologists uncovered something fascinating about people at the racetrack: Just after placing a bet, they are much more confident of their horse’s chances of winning than they are immediately before laying down that bet. Of course, nothing about the horse’s chances actually shifts; it’s the same horse, on the same track, in the same field; but in the minds of those bettors, its prospects improve significantly once that ticket is purchased. Although a bit puzzling at first glance, the reason for the dramatic change has to do with a common weapon of social influence. Like the other weapons of influence, this one lies deep within us, directing our actions with quiet power. It is, quite simply, our nearly obsessive desire to be (and to appear) consistent with what we have already done. Once we have made a choice or taken a stand, we will encounter personal and interpersonal pressures to behave consistently with that commitment. Those pressures will cause us to respond in ways that justify our earlier decision.

Another example with better application to Game:


They met at a hospital where he worked as an X-ray technician and she as a nutritionist. They dated for a while, even after Tim lost his job, and eventually they moved in together. Things were never perfect for Sara: She wanted Tim to marry her and to stop his heavy drinking; Tim resisted both ideas. After an especially difficult period of conflict, Sara broke off the relationship, and Tim moved out. At the same time, an old boyfriend of Sara’s returned to town after years away and called her. They started seeing each other socially and quickly became serious enough to plan a wedding. They had gone so far as to set a date and issue invitations when Tim called. He had repented and wanted to move back in. When Sara told him her marriage plans, he begged her to change her mind; he wanted to be together with her as before. But Sara refused, saying she didn’t want to live like that again. Tim even offered to marry her, but she still said she preferred the other boyfriend. Finally, Tim volunteered to quit drinking if she would only relent. Feeling that under those conditions Tim had the edge, Sara decided to break her engagement, cancel the wedding, retract the invitations, and let Tim move back in with her.
Within a month, Tim informed Sara that he didn’t think he needed to stop his drinking after all; a month later, he had decided that they should “wait and see” before getting married. Two years have since passed; Tim and Sara continue to live together exactly as before. He still drinks, there are still no marriage plans, yet Sara is more devoted to Tim than she ever was. She says that being forced to choose taught her that Tim really is number one in her heart. So, after choosing Tim over her other boyfriend, Sara became happier with him, even though the conditions under which she had made her choice have never been fulfilled.

You could call Sara’s behavior a rationalization and it certainly is, but reasoning why it came to it is commitment.

So, now that you understand how commitment works, here is it how to apply it to Game. Start small and work your way up. Small examples would be making her do something trivial for you, like bringing you a glass of water or holding something for you. Give her a hand and see if she will recuperate. Make her invest some time talking to you and contributing to the conversation. Next, make her do something you tell her (e.g. come at specific time and place when arranging a date). Whenever you lead her and she obeys, she has committed. Next would be buying you a drink (you can buy the next round). Idea with girl buying you stuff is not to leech of her but making her commit. But I would lie if I told you gifts don’t build ego. This commitment escalation eventually leads to her investing enough in relationship that she is hooked and she starts chasing you (texting, calling…) which means more and more commitment. Unless you break this commitment buildup by making her rationalize you were yet another jerk who took advantage of her (meaning not enough comfort), she can’t break this circle. Easiest way to do this is to have a kind, gentle, romantic moments (which I truly love) mixed with firm deceive and aloof ones.

Comfort
Commitment might be broken if a girl doesn’t feel comfortable with you. Commitment means trust. In order to build comfort, she needs to learn about you. She needs to scratch behind the surface, behind the mask and see your persona. I don’t mean being serous all the time, just more than when you met her. Talk about stuff that matters. What are her goals in life right now? What does she like to do? What kind of person she is. What interests do you share? Anything else you two share? Also, she will want to know similar information about you. Ask qualification questions. Spend time with her where you both exchange information (that is why going to movies sucks). Create rapport by pacing. Don’t interrupt her with questions, let her speak. The more she speaks the better. She is investing. She is committing. She is caring. Best way to test current comfort levels is by escalating commitment like previously mentioned. Another way is by kino escalation.

Commitment is a gateway to comfort but comfort enables further commitment. Result of this intertwined dynamic is a relationship.

Experiment, gain experience and have fun.

Rationalization

Men are logical creatures, women are emotional. This is a number one lesson any man needs to learn and understand. Consequences of such emotional approach to life is women’s tendency to judge something to be right or wrong depending how she feels at that moment. And this judgement is not set in stone. Such (“normal”) emotional swings confuse guys as we try to logically understand the situation. Well, this usually doesn’t work. She accuses you how “you don’t understand her”, and you are left confused and would like to have mind reading abilities. What does a nice guy do? He tries correct the situation. He either asks more about it (in order to logically understand), noticeably flustered, or takes the blame and starts apologizing and begging. This, irritates the girl even more.

So, what to do?
First, analyze the situation and conclude is this a shit test or not. If it is a shit test, ignore it or call her on it like you would a brandish little sister (“Stop behaving like a little brad. Pick yourself up and let’s go.”).
If it is not a shit test but something that she, logically, has reasons to be upset about and if you messed up, apologize. Don’t beg, just say you mad a mistake. Don’t lose your frame. If is something else, provide her comfort and be there for her (e.g. hold her tightly in your arms).

Usually when dealing with women, don’t listen what they say, watch how they react. Use black box approach. Women will often say things like “I like nice guys who are always taking care of me” but will then get irritated by his suffocating attention or jealousy. Girls like bad boys even though no one will admit it.

Another consequence of such emotional approach is that she will always find excuses for any mistakes she (logically) made that felt good at the time. This is called rationalization. A metaphor for this phenomenon is a hamster spinning in a wheel since she believes in excuses she has made to be true. And she keeps telling them and living with (in) them without realizing the truth and that she is not getting anywhere (metaphor for the wheel).
Some examples would be:
“I don’t usually do that!” Something you can hear after a girl sleeps with you rather quickly in order not to feel like a slut.
“I am not fat, there is just more me to love.” Khm…
“There are no more nice guys.” A commonly used by women who are about to hit the wall (meaning stop being attractive, usually happening around late twenties or early thirties). She enjoyed her youth and all attention that came with it. She has lost her youth and suddenly no one cares about her. It must be those jerks.

Listen to the hamster!

Listen to the hamster!

There is an article that goes extensively how to handle emotional swings. Stay calm and don’t give up to her storm. She will appreciate you more for not getting drawn into her emotions. You will be the man she loves.

Women should always try to be more feminine in order to keep her man. To do so I recommend the following:

  • Read The Rules Revisted and be prepared to learn from it rather than salve your ego by rejecting it. If you disagree with any post there it means you are wrong.
  • Change your diet away from man foods. Get more fresh vegetables, fruit, water, white meats.
  • Stop drinking alcohol. Really, try to entirely cut alcohol out of your life. If you must drink, avoid beers and lagers at all costs. More then anything else, alcohol and cigarettes ruin a girl’s hormone balance.
  • Don’t lift weights, circuit train or jog. Which girls have the most sexy feminine bodies? Yes, dancers, aerobics instructors and pilates girls. Joggers always look like shit.
  • Take pleasure in learning to cook and other girly hobbies. Make a real skill out of it. It’s so easy to set yourself apart from, and above, the crowd of girls with androgynous or masculine hobbies.

Dancing Game

Here in Croatia we don’t have bars as a nightlife alternative to clubs. There is no place where you can go, meet strangers and talk to them when going out. Bars are more like coffee places where people sit and chat before going out. And in clubs usually you can’t talk to people because music is just too loud. If you want to succeed regularly in an environment such as this, best way to do it is by dance. Don’t get me wrong, I have succeeded in a Night Game by talking, but talk is much more efficient at social gatherings without loud music, more common to Day Game scenario.

Why dancing? Dancing brings an immediate sexual vibe. I’ve had girls tell me that they judge a man’s sexual ability by how good dancer he is. Dance brings an immediate kino. Things escalate much faster when dancing because dance puts man immediately in a leadership position. He is in control, dictating the pace. Dance also acts as immediate isolation, since you two are dancing together. If that is not the case, dance can help you lead her to another part of the club. There you can continue the conversation (“Let’s grab something to drink?”) and continue escalation. And girls love to dance. To sum it, dance provides an instant framework for male-female dynamic and relationship. And she is programmed to respond to it.

Salsa

In order to get better, you need to learn some partner dance like salsa. Trust me, what you call dancing today by swinging and waving hands (drunkenly) is not dancing. I suggest signing up for a course. After a month or two you should have all basics covered. Remember, you are not training to be the best pro. You only need to be better than most other guys else in the club, and that shouldn’t be too difficult. Additional benefit from courses is that female to male ratio is greatly in favor to men and you can meet new girls there (who are expecting to be interacted with).

Once you have covered basic dancing, Night Game should be much easier.

A great guide how to improve your dancing game and some techniques can be found here.
Also, ignore other guys who will make fun of you going to dance class. You know why you are going.

Feminism And Manosphere

Feminism is an extremely popular topic within today’s manosphere’s more experienced bloggers. I understand feminism is ruining today’s women by giving them delusions that everyone is equal. Well, as communism was wrong by promoting equality, so is feminism. We are not equal. Not as individuals, not as sexes. Both sexes have their strong and weak points. I don’t think women are weaker or lesser sex, just that both sexes are more suitable at certain tasks. Both men and women have their roles to fill and are equally important to achieve a healthy family and life. We are like yin and yang, fulfilling each other. I’ve been watching documentaries about Amish and I’m pleasantly surprised how each and every one in their culture has its place. And how man’s and woman’s roles are defined and everyone understands their importance. Maybe our “advanced” culture can learn something from them.

Problem with today’s women could be summarized as “grass is always greener on the other side” meaning “men are doing all cool stuff”. They underestimate their importance. Women are said to hold three corners of a household. But taking care of their family is not cool, right? So they embark to try “the cool stuff”. In order for women to succeed in a “man’s” world, they need to adopt man’s skill set thus making them more like men and less like women. Women today are less and less feminine, they have lost basic family values and virtues (such as being family oriented). They have lost basic feminine skills like taking care of their loved ones like cooking. I know how to cook and I don’t need anyone to do it for me. But as a stereotypical women’s skill, cooking is essential knowledge women needs to have if she wants to please her man (and she does). And it is becoming a rarity. On the other hand men are getting less and less masculine.

And what does this has to do with manosphere?
There is a trend within the manosphere that almost every more experienced member of the community is rambling about feminism. I understand this is a hot topic, and you have probably said everything you had to say about basics. But, we, younger guys are getting more value from a post about latest notch or something new you have tried than how feminism is ruining the world. Also, more and more new bloggers (forum posters) are getting sucked into the subject just because it’s popular. Guys, yes, feminism is hurting but concentrate on basics and share your experience (thanks to those who do).
Only way you can fight feminism is to show young guys how to become men.

Teasing

Teasing is one of best ways how to spark an attraction in a woman. Reason why it works is pretty simple – no one treats her like that. And that demonstrates you are not afraid to risk offending her. And risking is sexy.

Still not convinced?

Ok, there are a couple of things at work here. First is novelty (no one is treating her like that). Everything that is new is by default interesting. As we get familiar with something, it is less and less exciting. Second is risking and not giving the damn. Risking demonstrates balls, which every girl seeks in a potential mate (so that he can take care of and protect her in the future). Not giving the damn demonstrates familiarity with the subject (opposite from novelty described earlier). And every women wants a guy with experience. Thirdly, teasing makes her work for your attention. Every tease is an “obstacle”. And everything that needs to be worked for is precious. Also, tease builds and suddenly releases pressure. After a comment, which is usually negative, but before you smile, she is not certain if you are serious or not. If you are serious, you are a jerk. If not, you are fun. That insecurity builds pressure. Smile or other comment afterwards releases pressure. That emotional roller coaster is what makes panties wet. Lastly, teasing makes girls laugh. And a man who can make a girl laugh regularly, will win her hearth (and much more).

Look at her face, you can just feel panties getting wet

If you are new to the Game, this will feel very unnatural since it is opposite of nice. Nice is safe way. It is monotone. Opposite of what I have described previously (and thus unattractive). Teasing doesn’t mean being a jerk, like making jokes doesn’t mean being misleading. Both are meant to be fun because they are not part of our everyday life and therefore novel.

So, how to tease a girl? Correct mindset can be summed up in one sentence: “Treat her like your bratty little sister.” That’s it. You would tease your little sister and call upon her misdeeds and stupidity. You would make fun of her. Not because you are mean, but because that’s what brothers do. Again, this will feel unnatural in the beginning. So, how to start?

First, observe people around you who are popular. They are teasing everybody in regular basis. Observe how are others treating them reacting to their teasing. Even though what are they doing can be seen as mischievous, everybody likes them. Next, start teasing your close ones – your friends. They might react to your sudden change of character so don’t overdo it. Introduce tease gently and gradually into your style. Remember, it is never a goal to insult anyone. That is why you smile or comment in order to show you were only joking. As you practice you will be more and more proficient and able to fine tune each tease to a situation and a person. Today, I tease all the time which sometimes leads to overdoing. But it is better to overdo than to play safely. When I was learning about teasing, I wanted to see how far can I go. My goal was to get slapped by a girl without being rude or insulting. I went to a private party where I knew only one person. The girl, who was my target, I saw first time in my life. I was teasing her whole evening, not wasting an opportunity. Whatever I did, I couldn’t get slapped. I even got her friends to laugh at her expense. I noticed that girl was more and more interested in me. Since then, I called girls even a Nazi or mass murderer (stalker is my regular one), which out of context is insulting. If you are good enough, you can wrap insults in a nice shiny paper and present them as jokes. This type of teasing is usually called neg in the community.

Another way of teasing is letting girl know you know something that is interesting to her and make her work to get the information. Basically, you are dangling with a string in front of a cat and you watch her try to catch it. To be able to do this, you need to find some piece of information she will be interested in. This can be achieved either by reading her body language, closely listening or prior research. This takes experience and calibrating (fine tuning) your social skills. For example, when I show my apartment to a girl I go to every room except for one. Door to that room is in a middle of a hallway so missing it is rather hard. When I come to that door I either pause and continue to the next room or just say “And behind this door,… Never mind, it is not important.”. If she insists, I make some over the top story (“Just some skeletons in the closet” or “Tied up virgins for after dinner”) and continue. If she wants to know, she will have to work for it. And I make her.

Also, when you are in a physical relationship with a girl (e.g. kissing) you can tease her. One thing I like to do is when we are going for a kiss (you know, 90-10 ratio), when she goes for her 10% I evade her kiss. Girls get mad and want that more to kiss you. I also comment “Patience is a virtue” or something similar. Don’t do it for the first couple of kisses since that may show up as insecurity. Again, smile to defuse the situation (smirk comes handy in this situation).

When it comes to teasing, calibration is the key. You do not want to insult the girl. Insulting her will kill attraction instantly. Experiment and gain some experience. It doesn’t matter if you sometimes come out as awkward, experience is what matters. You can only get one testing in the filed. You will get this, and when you do, you will have one of the most powerful weapons of attraction at your disposal. And as a bonus, most guys don’t know it exists.